The photons that bounced off of the bobbing head of Monica Lewinsky as she serviced the forty second president of the United States, in theory, should still be progressing across the Universe, at the speed of light- since photons make up what we call light.
The paths of the photons could be straight since even our crowded galaxy is still over 99% empty; or their paths could be deflected, bent or even absorbed by planets, moons, asteroids, meteors, cosmic dust clouds and black holes.
The super secret NASA/Air Force Extraterrestrial Communications Unit released to Satire1 (no better place to keep secrets since absolutely nobody reads it) that both a number of intelligent life forms and idiots very similar to ourselves across the Universe have been enjoying the pornographic political show but are disappointed with its cancellation and replacement with the more Evangelical Monogamy Bush program. The Obamas haven’t even made it to Zaytar X52 yet.
Which leads us to the question: if a head drops on a lap and no one else is there does it make a sound?
There were six scientists who were said to fully understand Einstein’s theories and eight today that might be able to explain how the Universe works with String Theory. Newton was beaned by an apple. Galileo dropped a feather and a cannon ball off of a tower at the same time. Monica dropped her head and lobbed off Hillary’s crown twenty years later.
The fallout of those six blowjobs blanketed the surface of the globe and is still radio and television fodder twenty years later. Monica’s hum jobs are the most celebrated and berated oral sex in history but people didn’t vote for Trump because former first couldn’t take care of business.
Satire1 goes to 42cd Street and First Avenue
“I didn’t get any ass after 1995 let alone blow jobs and I was still in my forties. I think she was giving Bungalow Bill my blow jobs.”
“There are a finite number of blow jobs possible at any given time. I’m a sexual statistician for the Pentagon and though the number of blow jobs fluctuates over time with the 1970’s under Carter being the blow job blow out of the century down to the meager lip wisps and tickles that pass for fellatio today, it is more than possible- I might even say likely- that Monica’s head could only be in one place at one time.”
“I’m a Second Amendment guy- NRA all the way- and I prefer a woman to suck my guns.”
“You saw Barry Sanders wife? Happy woman, right? You know he dives for crabgrass.”
“In my heart, I believe that Billy Clinton is Billy Clitoris. I think he eats women like the Big Macs we are. I believe he licks us like ice cream, huffs us like heroin and slaps that big ole boy tongue around like he was spanking every mare in the stable with it. I love him for that and kneel down and nod yes, Mr. President everyday in his and Monica’s honor.”
“I’m almost certain that if Monica blew every politician in D.C. there would never had been an impeachment.”
“It was one of our country’s greatest moments. I have no doubt about that now. I mean, nobody’s gravestone says I got too much head.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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