In Memorium

Satire1 again suspends its wit this post in honor of those individuals and their families whose sacrifice makes this blog and others like it possible.

Don Arrup
Satire1

Come Hang With Me

President Trump has been inviting fellow heads of state to hang out at Margo La La Go Go. Even his critics admit they are the best soirees since Hugh Hefner lived in Chicago.

President Duterte of the Philippines picks up the phone

Trump

Hey, President Duterte, this is Big Donald. Congratulations on what a great job you and your people are doing slaughtering the drug gangs. Way to get the job done. You’re welcome. The press over here distorts everything. Killing drug gangsters isn’t murder. It’s extermination. You’re the long over due exterminator. Hey, I know Arnold. If we can talk him into joining you you two could be the Exterminator and the Terminator.  

Si, si. My wife does like that. All my wives like that. I don’t know any wife who wouldn’t. Now I don’t know. With a wooden leg might present a problem. You know who you remind me of? That’s right. How did you know that? I didn’t tweet that and forget? Mayor Rizzo was your model. Yeah, I agree. The Philippines and Philadelphia do have an awful lot in common. 

No, I am not going to bust your balls over naval bases. It’s beach front property. We can’t afford them and the wall. Hey, let me let you in on a secret. When I get the funding- and I will get the funding- no problem- I’m going to hire the Chinese to build it. Yeah, the wall. Have you seen their wall? Even I was impressed. Of course, we want our wall bigger and longer. I mean China might have the Great Wall but America will have the Trump Wall. And that will get Xi Xi out of Africa for a while. The Chinese are everywhere on that continent where there isn’t shooting. 

Thanks, Melania and I would be honored to be your guests- after you finish the drug bug bomb. But for right now I’d like to invite you and your charming wife to Margo La La Go Go for a weekend away from the massacre. Do you play golf?

Don Arrup 

Satire1 

Ping Pong Un

Chinese President Xi Jing Ping Pong called North Korean Commie King Kim Chub-un

Ping

Kimmie baby, how’s it hanging?

Un

The generals? They’re swinging guys since sunrise.

Ping

I’m sure some of them preferred execution to retirement.

Un

Want me to fire off another dud missile?

Ping

Cool it for a while, Un Bun. Trump’s chumps told their navy to leave our new islands alone.

Un

You mean those sandboxes you threw in the middle of the ocean and dumped enough more to sit an old biplane on?

Ping

Oceanic acquisition. If the Americans let these recent ones go we’ll build an archipelago down and across the Pacific which we’ll rename the Greater China Sea. You’ll be able to spit off the beach of Hawaii and Australia and hit our territorial waters. 

Un

Hey Ping Pong, how long do I have to keep up this enfant terrible bit up? 

Ping

Just until we buy up the rest of America’s resorts and high tech companies. About ten years. 

Un

Trump really is making China great again. 

Ping

Yeah, even faster than Obama. And Putin thought he held all the strings when he put him in.

Un

Aren’t you going to let the Russians have anything?

Ping

They can have Syria. 

Un

The only country outside Africa that is a bigger mess than mine.

Ping

Hey, whose army has bigger hats? 

Un

I’d like to at least change my do.

Ping

The Asian Elvis ducktail is the key to your illusion. You and Trump have the same hairdo. International stability depends upon it. Surely your grand paw and dad told you that image is the only real power there is. 

Un

But I’m over thirty-

Ping 

Hitler without his mustache looked like butcher’s assistant. 

Un

Instead of the biggest butcher in history.

Ping

He gave the industrialists everything they wanted and the industrialists gave his generals everything they wanted. It was a perfect system.

Un

But I don’t have an affluent minority to rob and enslave. 

Un

You already own all the richest ones in Asia. 

Ping

We don’t poach in South Korea. You’ve got plenty of fat hens to pluck.

Un

I miss sticking my hands in Obama’s pants.

Ping

I miss W’s cowboy jeans. Everything Donald has is in his back pocket.

Un

And he doesn’t carry cash.

Ping

He’d be happy to write you a check.

Un

Yeah, right.

Don Arrup

Satire1