To quell the manic panic that has typhooned through America’s wealthiest neighborhoods and country clubs, Satire1 has surveyed the country’s top ranked schools as to who is still willing to do things the way they have always been done and admit it.
Whatsamatta U.
Prominent graduates Larry Fine, Mo Howard and Curly Howard. Popular brown bag of cash or jewels (commensurate to compensate for stupidity of candidate) alumni wink eye.
First University of College Knowledge aka FUCK U.
Orifice entrance examinations and heavy recruitment of sexual athletes has made FU the nation’s top ranked campus to get campussed. Good grades are for losers.
New York University aka Fuck Me
Pass and get ass with the imperial educational institution that divided up Manhattan with Columbia and the Catholic Church.
University of Baltimore
Enough said.
Dean Red Bean of Princeton College of Real World Knowledge explained:
“For an institute of higher learning to impose a reasonably fair process for admissions, scholarships, honors or employment is a crime against education and somewhere between a disservice and a shakedown for adolescents wishing to be students.”
“Colleges must reflect the real world and the real world is run by deception, manipulation, favoritism and bright neon yellow bullshit. Do you want colleges to prepare your daughters and sons for the real world? Then we have to be real world. It’s easy. Just exist and corruption like corrosion will seep in. It’s in the water. The air itself is corrupting.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
No comments:
Post a Comment