Tuesday, April 30, 2019

What's Biden Hiden?


People are asking why didn’t Scranton Joe give Anita Hill one of his infamous Biden body rubs back when she was accusing Uncle Clarence Tom of sexual harassment when she worked for him back when from then. 

Joe apologized for not being more hands on in her defense. Professor Hill said the questions the Senators asked removed the second and third vowels from her name leaving her feeling more like an Ant Hill. 

Is Congress doing a better job today?

Mouthpiece General Billie Barr blew off the hearing of the House Judiciary Committee denying the donkeys a chance to bray for their constituents. This over a document that suggests everything and proves nothing on top of recommending even less. Barr’s client (obviously not the American people) doesn’t require his reprimand. Just give the Prez the time and a cell phone and he will hang himself despite the lack of a cord.

And worldwide Joe is not forgotten in all this. Oh no. Who could forget Scranton Joe?

Dictators, Ayatollahs, Oligarchs and even current and former elected world leaders are protesting that they miss old VP Joey:

“He was the only one who ever got that knot underneath my left shoulder blade. His hands told you America cared,” said Tony Blair.

“His last year as Vice President my wife died suddenly and I was a wreck. Joe-Joe took one look at the stiff and had his State Department get her more appropriate footwear. Joe used to rub her feet at state dinners and knew that light colored shoes made them look like tuna boats,” said Kazeer Akpakka of Whackhackastan.

“When Trump and Pence visited I hoped for at least a decent shoulder rub,” said Vlad the Impaler Putin. “And what do I get? Surfer Boy just grabbed my nuts and that’s supposed to be diplomacy?”

“I never wore hose in East Germany growing up,” said Angela Merkel. “Soft Paws Biden reached under the banquet table at the G20 Summit and was able to reverse them without even taking my shoes off. The man’s a magician.”

Don Arrup
Satire1

Sunday, April 28, 2019

Homeland Security Warns No Shortage of April Fools


Millionaire Socialist Senator Barry Sanders leads the fat cat Democratic Party pack in campaign fund raising while newest Democratic Socialist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez trades what with political aristocrat Speaker Pelosi for seats on key committees. This, after Alex OC whipped Nancy’s Caucus Chair Joe Crow and Pelosi declared it only a local phenom.

ISIS claims responsibility for U.S. opioid crisis and death of fan favorites on Game of Bones while the Trump organization signs mega deal with ISIS to build its caliphate capitol in Detroit. 

Comedian now elected President of Ukraine What’s His Name Who Cares wants to know what’s the big deal with his former profession when elections across the globe are all considered jokes.

New York City first added paper bags to the new state law that bans free plastic bags with purchases but finally declined adding condoms to the list. “You can fill a magnum with three pounds of beans or a gallon of milk,” said Mayor de Blasio. “Many brands including Trojan are dishwasher safe and could finally hold something women want.” 

Ivanka Trump is the latest candidate to announce her run for the Democratic Presidential Nomination declaring that Joe Biden isn’t a real blond.

Porky Pig sited the African Swine Fever that has swept China and could infect American livestock as his main focus in his campaign for the Democratic Presidential Nomination. That and the fact that Ivanka Trump isn’t a real anything.

Don Arrup
Satire1