Don
“Of course I keep all my classified material in my garage.”
Joe
“You don’t want Vladimir and Xi’s guys going through your underwear.”
Don
“Leave it out in the garage where they can find it and be on their way.”
Joe
“Otherwise they’re using your bathroom.”
Don
“I have nothing against Asian cuisine. They’re lovely people. Asian Americans voted for me en masse but they eat some weird animals and vegetables.”
Joe
“How about those KGB guys plugging your plumbing?”
Don
“Vlad’s an okay guy but his guys eat way too many root vegetables. Nothing against potatoes and beets. I love the Irish and won the Catholic vote by a landslide.”
Joe
“Hey, I’m Catholic.”
Don
“And put baby murderers on the bench.”
Joe
“Well, at least I lost the Nazi vote.”
Don
“Some of them are real patriots.
Joe
“What about the Shaman guy with the horns?”
Don
“Opera lover. Won the Opera lovers vote by a landslide. Every Met performance is practically a Trump rally.”
Joe
“Have you ever even been to an opera?”
Don
“Seen Guys and Dolls like a hundred times.”
Joe
“Marlon Brando was miscast as Sky Masterson.”
Don
“Anybody’s going to look bad next to Sinatra.”
Joe
“Not Dean Martin.”
Don
“And practically every single Italian American voted for me.”
Joe
“My wife’s half Sicilian.”
Don
“And I thank her for her vote.”
Joe
“Jill didn’t appreciate all those gloves rummaging through her unmentionables.”
Don
“Put the stuff they want outside your house.”
Joe
“It’s like camping. You don’t sleep in your tent with your breakfast wrapped around your neck.”
Don
“Doesn’t matter if it’s a Russian bear or a panda.”
Joe
“I think pandas are vegetarians.”
Don
“And don’t wear bamboo underwear.”
Joe
“My mother always said that.”
Don
“Brilliant woman, your mother, and I appreciated her vote.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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