In 2015, the University of Nevada and Indiana University concluded that less than half of our species kiss. Generally, in more developed countries oral oral sex (as opposed to oral genital sex) is equated with romance and the avenue to genital sex. Many less developed cultures (and most of humanity) find it distasteful to disgusting.
This year, a wife and husband professors couple in Denmark found evidence that kissing had been portrayed in sacred literature a thousand years earlier than suspected. The kiss was not part of the approach or foreplay to coitus but its postscript.
Imagine if kissing, our first intimate step, were to move to the other end of sexual encounters and coitus considered the least intimate and opening step.
First dates might end in a good night boink (many do anyway). Elvis Priestly would have sung of Copulating Cousins. There would be the Tap of Death and instead of kissing someone off you bang them off.
Potential problems with some phrases might cause confusion:
Blowing a bone
Do you shag your mother with that mouth?
Bang it and make it better
Sealed with a screw
Steal a score
Make Whoopie and up
What the hell? It’s Valentine’s Day. So if you want to get down to a horizontal bango tango to ride the baloney pony as you mount bonk boff lay tumble your new hook up today’s your day!
A word from the author on the word Coitus. Coitus is the proper term but only for the sexual intercourse of married or established couples. Coit- Us. The action that defines us as a couple and makes us us. The proper term for singles, wolves and hoes doing it is Coit- Is because the act meant nothing and just is.
Happy Valentine’s Day from
Don Arrup
Satire1
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