Due to the Iranian government’s continued refusal to comply with the Atomic Energy Commission’s inspections President Bush is calling on the Security Council of the United Nations to impose a sanction of the Earth’s atmosphere on Iran denying them both air and sunlight until measurable progress can be demonstrated. The sanction would in effect create a bio-dome over Persian territory for the unforeseeable future.
“Since economic sanctions haven’t worked its time we got crazy and start using ecological ones,” said President Bush in a special news conference held on the White House lawn Tuesday. “Our scientists assure me that the Sun has been producing solar power by nuclear fusion not sanctioned by the AEC so Iran has been in violation going back perhaps as much as a couple of hundred years.”
When asked how the United States and the international community planned to create this bio-dome the President smiled. “It won’t cost the American taxpayer a penny. All we have to do is allow China and India to keep doing what they’re doing and then encourage Iraq. Pakistan and Afghanistan to do the same. In a few years the pollution won’t allow a ray of sunshine or a breath of breathable air into the whole region.”
“This means more solar power will be available for our economy to harness since we won’t be sharing it with that part of the world,” the President continued. When a reporter suggested that the pollution was liable to disperse throughout the Earth’s atmosphere and poison us as well the President became annoyed. “There’s no hard evidence that that will happen. Just look at Los Angeles if you can see it; it has had no effect on the blue skies of Hawaii.”
As reporters continued to express doubt as to the safety of the proposal President Bush became belligerent. “I didn’t say there wouldn’t be any sacrifice to be made by the American people. My mother loves the rugs from that region but we’re going to have to choose between breathable air and national security. I think the last two elections proved where the American people come out on that question.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
