Senate Majority Leader Reid claims to have sixty senators willing to vote in favor of ending the debate on the bill that no one has read but everyone has bled. Below are democratic senators from around the country on exactly what bribe they demanded.
“I told Harry he’s got to take my mother in law off my hands. He lives two blocks away from me. His wife doesn’t work and is known for her foot rubs. I told him you want my vote I want my life. She can visit us anytime I’m not home. I’ll pay top rent dollar but your wife’s got to feed her and pretend to listen to her sometimes. Otherwise, you’ll wish you were in the Senate.”
“The people of my state need to get laid. I don’t care what it takes: legalizing prostitution, marijuana or gay marriage. I tell them sex is green. I tell them it is the only adult activity we haven’t taxed yet. I tell them it burns calories and aids sleep. A hand job and a bowl of ice cream is Saturday night in our capital. We can’t do anything to protect farm animals. Half our National Guard is in Iraq while our wool and dairy industries are being sodomized.”
“The people of my state aren’t sick. I’ve been in every hospital in my state and everybody’s just having babies or too damn old or did something stupid.
They have pills for everything. If you’re a senior we almost cover it. If not then the pharmacist is going to step around the counter and pull your pants off. Your wallet won’t cover it. Wear a long coat. This bill mentions that problem. I’ve been promised that.”
“I want the Super Bowl in our state. At least once a decade. Hell, we have a stadium you can bang your wife in but in the Hollywood Football League if you’re not on the coast or belly of this country you don’t exist.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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