Obama In Plain English

Afghanistan is f**ked up. It was before I took office and has been getting more f**ked up ever since. So we’re going to kick some ass. The Taligang has gotten bigger so I’m sending in more boots. They’re not staying forever. We’re kicking ass and then handing it over to the locals. Tell them we’ll send you some money. Keep a couple of our wise guys to talk to you. You do the bleeding and dying. Its your home not ours.

All of their neighbors are trouble. Some have nukes and some are developing nukes. And they all hate each other. The Osama gang is working the whole neighborhood and looking to trouble us. They’ve troubled us in the past and we’ve had enough of it.

Now it’s going to suck for a while. And even if we get everything out of this caper that we want it’s still going to suck. So the question is do we shrink the gun they’re pointing at us or do we keep losing over there or pull our people home and suck the big one soon.

How are we going to pay for all this? I say since we’re the biggest dog there we demand our cut of the corruption. A percentage of the heroin trade alone would pay for Afghanistan and Iraq.

And I know a lot of my critics have been complaining about my administration having our hand up our butt over this for weeks but we had to first figure which hand it was so we knew we were smelling the right fingers. I think we have a pretty good idea now. So you can all sleep better now knowing that the war, death and debt will go on.

Don Arrup
Satire1