When Potomac High began to plan their Winter Dance Student Council President Oba deferred the details to the student representatives and the senior class committee. Nancy told the reps they could have anything they wanted and Harry told the seniors nothing would happen if they didn’t approve. So Nancy and her group planned an all night buffet cruise while Harry and the seniors feared the money for their Prom would be depleted.
As both groups seemed to be acting totally on their own students began to ask President Oba what he thought should be done. Oba said he would look at the final plans the two student groups agreed on.
Soon things got ugly. Nancy’s reps wanted to spend their whole treasury on this one big dance and soon seniors were threatening Harry about various details of the extravaganza Nancy’s group was planning.
“It can’t be on a boat. My boyfriend gets sea sick.”
“We’ll need a religious band. My parents won’t let me listen to Hip Hop.”
“We’ll need chaperones who can lifeguard,”
“I don’t want my senior class dues going to underclassmen who can’t afford the ticket. It’s not even a Prom.”
“My eye hurts.”
Harry asked Oba secretly to intervene. Oba said he couldn’t do anything for the student’s eye and no one can dance to religious music.
The date for the dance was approaching. A deposit on a boat must be put down. The Drama Club had already booked the gym and was making their sets. Girls had bought Go-Go boots. Oba addressed the entire school on the intercom. He told them to stop acting like children. He might as well have asked them to stop being horny.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Health Care For Dummies
Though the trillions of dollars spent by U.S. government (U.S. reads us suckers) on two wars along with the some day stimulus package pale in comparison to the exploding cost of health care members of the House of Representatives continue to represent the whose interests?
Rep. A Hole of Old Mexico
“I believe the poor should suffer otherwise there’s no incentive to dig out of their drug infested hole to work and get drunk at a wine bar.”
Rep. B S of Cornbraska
“Keeping working people healthy will kill jobs. For years employers have had to hire five people to fill four positions due to perfectly treatable ailments which keep workers bedridden 20% of their working lives.”
Rep. C Nada of Shitagan
“What’s good for General Motors is good for the country- when there was a country.”
Rep. D Zasster of Taxes
“Cowboys only went to the doctor if they were shot.”
Rep. E Nuff of Pennsilpusha
“Our hospitals can’t handle the load now. Just make more mobile clinics where registered nurses can tell people what’s murdering them.”
Rep. F Ewe of New York
“We just gave billions to AIG and now you want us to make it harder for them to make a profit?”
Rep. G Whiz of Pillinious
“When my daughter sprained her ankle playing soccer we had to wait for almost twenty minutes in a room full of badly dressed people before my aides got us in.”
Rep. H Elle of Momtana
“I say cut taxes on alcohol and people will complain less.”
Rep. I Sorender of Horegon
“We give free health care to illegal aliens and captured terrorists and now you want Americans covered?”
Rep. J Erk of Malabama
“Any Christian can be healed by their preacher. Half the Jews in my state are doctors and the Muslims and Buddhists all dress like they’re in the hospital anyway.”
Rep. K Oh of Hennesee
“I feel fine. I don’t know what the problem is.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Rep. A Hole of Old Mexico
“I believe the poor should suffer otherwise there’s no incentive to dig out of their drug infested hole to work and get drunk at a wine bar.”
Rep. B S of Cornbraska
“Keeping working people healthy will kill jobs. For years employers have had to hire five people to fill four positions due to perfectly treatable ailments which keep workers bedridden 20% of their working lives.”
Rep. C Nada of Shitagan
“What’s good for General Motors is good for the country- when there was a country.”
Rep. D Zasster of Taxes
“Cowboys only went to the doctor if they were shot.”
Rep. E Nuff of Pennsilpusha
“Our hospitals can’t handle the load now. Just make more mobile clinics where registered nurses can tell people what’s murdering them.”
Rep. F Ewe of New York
“We just gave billions to AIG and now you want us to make it harder for them to make a profit?”
Rep. G Whiz of Pillinious
“When my daughter sprained her ankle playing soccer we had to wait for almost twenty minutes in a room full of badly dressed people before my aides got us in.”
Rep. H Elle of Momtana
“I say cut taxes on alcohol and people will complain less.”
Rep. I Sorender of Horegon
“We give free health care to illegal aliens and captured terrorists and now you want Americans covered?”
Rep. J Erk of Malabama
“Any Christian can be healed by their preacher. Half the Jews in my state are doctors and the Muslims and Buddhists all dress like they’re in the hospital anyway.”
Rep. K Oh of Hennesee
“I feel fine. I don’t know what the problem is.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Senator Claims To Have Read Health Bill
The rumor mill in the United States Senate reached fever pitch with outbreaks of “You lie” and fisticuffs on the Senate floor. A historic debate is underway as the Senate returned early from their New Year break when the blogsphere exploded with unsubstantiated accusations that an unnamed Senator from a western state read the entire 997 page Senate Health Insurance Makeover Bill. Satire1 gathered off the record statements from Senators from both parties and around the country.
“I’ve stated publicly and almost honestly that I haven’t read a single word of that mess but I was one of the five Senators in the hall who heard the Senator make the claim. I’ve known and worked with this Senator for sixteen years and quite frankly I was surprised to hear he could read.”
“If you don’t read it out loud it doesn’t count.”
“The first hundred pages are exciting because it threatens to suggest change. The second hundred pages are shameless pork and I could tell what the end was going to be before I read another twenty pages. A blowjob for the Insurers and a hand job for the insured.”
“We can’t get any concrete proposals from the medical community but it’s our own fault. If we want reform we should be recruiting medical students from reform schools.”
“You can’t tell anything about a Senate bill by reading it. It’s how it plays out in the real world that counts. Since this is a medical bill I demanded we give the text an MRI. Isn’t that the answer to everything these days.”
“Health Care makes me sick.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
“I’ve stated publicly and almost honestly that I haven’t read a single word of that mess but I was one of the five Senators in the hall who heard the Senator make the claim. I’ve known and worked with this Senator for sixteen years and quite frankly I was surprised to hear he could read.”
“If you don’t read it out loud it doesn’t count.”
“The first hundred pages are exciting because it threatens to suggest change. The second hundred pages are shameless pork and I could tell what the end was going to be before I read another twenty pages. A blowjob for the Insurers and a hand job for the insured.”
“We can’t get any concrete proposals from the medical community but it’s our own fault. If we want reform we should be recruiting medical students from reform schools.”
“You can’t tell anything about a Senate bill by reading it. It’s how it plays out in the real world that counts. Since this is a medical bill I demanded we give the text an MRI. Isn’t that the answer to everything these days.”
“Health Care makes me sick.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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