Senator Claims To Have Read Health Bill

The rumor mill in the United States Senate reached fever pitch with outbreaks of “You lie” and fisticuffs on the Senate floor. A historic debate is underway as the Senate returned early from their New Year break when the blogsphere exploded with unsubstantiated accusations that an unnamed Senator from a western state read the entire 997 page Senate Health Insurance Makeover Bill. Satire1 gathered off the record statements from Senators from both parties and around the country.

“I’ve stated publicly and almost honestly that I haven’t read a single word of that mess but I was one of the five Senators in the hall who heard the Senator make the claim. I’ve known and worked with this Senator for sixteen years and quite frankly I was surprised to hear he could read.”

“If you don’t read it out loud it doesn’t count.”

“The first hundred pages are exciting because it threatens to suggest change. The second hundred pages are shameless pork and I could tell what the end was going to be before I read another twenty pages. A blowjob for the Insurers and a hand job for the insured.”

“We can’t get any concrete proposals from the medical community but it’s our own fault. If we want reform we should be recruiting medical students from reform schools.”

“You can’t tell anything about a Senate bill by reading it. It’s how it plays out in the real world that counts. Since this is a medical bill I demanded we give the text an MRI. Isn’t that the answer to everything these days.”

“Health Care makes me sick.”

Don Arrup
Satire1