The combined forces of Pakistani and Afghan Taliban along with the powerful Yemenis navy have seized the ports of Juno and Fairbanks and are cleansing the state of board games and harmonicas. The Super TaliYemBan (STY) as the expeditionary force calls itself has not yet declared mission accomplished claiming that they did not come for gold or oil but to capture President Palin.
“We watch her on Saturday Night Satellite and want her legs,” a spokesman said. “We get her in a burka and we go.”
Former Governor Sarah Palin said that she has never eaten a falafel and believes that nightgowns shouldn’t cover the face. “Maybe if you break out in a lot of zits or have an Stephan King night with your husband.”
Palin expressed regret that her home state had fallen into foreign hands but felt that the federal government should for the most part stay out of it. “I can understand the United State Military sending troops to take back the air bases, navel facilities and pipeline but as for the towns and villages I believe that Alaskans should liberate themselves.”
Senate Majority Leader Reid immediately dismissed Alaska’s two senators and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi asked the FBI to arrest the former 49th state’s sole congressman as an enemy combatant. “I always felt that after 9/11 we should have invaded Alaska,” said Speaker Pelosi. “It has always been a terrorist state and what a lot of Americans don’t realize is that the award winning television program Northern Exposure was shot in Washington State and was written by New Yorkers. So Alaska has never really been anything except an oil rich Muslim Canadian province. They play ice hockey all year for Christ’s sakes. That is not American.”
President Obama responded that Alaska couldn’t have been conquered at a better time. “Since we’re adopting Afghanistan we might as well make it a state. This will give the Afghan people something to bitch about besides our flying murder robots. After they survive our April 15th the drones will be no big deal. And we won’t have to change our flag.”
Native Americans of the region say they don’t care which white people tyrannize the other white people but they like the new guys’ caps.
Don Arrup
Satire1
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