Fox News All Night Horror Festival
8pm Shadow of the Regulator
10pm April the Fifteenth
12am Nancy
2am Connecticut Candidate
4am Death Tax
6am Death Panel
MSNBC Monster Marathon
8pm Tea Party of Terror
10pm November the Second
12am Sarah
2am Public Option
4am Help Not Wanted
6am It Came from the Mexican Gulf
Happy Halloween and vote on Tuesday.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Dating Insurance Reform
Congressional offices are overwhelmed with demands from single and cheating spouse voters for Dating Insurance Reform. Republicans say the issue belongs to Democrats since they run everyone’s life. Democrats claim they reach no deeper than the pocket and only Republicans go into people’s pants and womb. But as dating rules and strategy books became best sellers and dating horror stories filled the news and talk shows members of both parties uniformly shrink from the issue.
All quotes unattributed.
“Everyone knows that singles have been hit worse than New Orleans for the last decade. But there are only no win positions for politicians. Any proposal will anger either men or women and every proposal will be seen as oppressing gays. It is all sin to the Religious Right, intrusive to Libertarians, and not far enough for the Left. You do or say anything about it and your next opponent will whack you off with it.”
“Congress must pass a law against false advertising on dates and dating sites. On line you get photos either decades old or retouched into Avatars. The bios prove that there really is a novel in everyone or a huge mountain of denial. On dates citizens have been bamboobeled with padded bras, rolls of quarters and clown shoes.”
“Dating on line left me with a burning itch on my Twitter.”
“I’ve caught three viruses on facebook and I wear rubber gloves when I type.”
Broken hearts, promises and condoms have become epidemic and as restaurants, motels, nightclubs and other businesses dependant on somebody getting laid struggle to survive the recession Congress allows the emotional slaughter of singles to continue.
“Since The Rules became a bestseller a decade ago women have been trying to regain a control I don’t think the modern world affords. Men want it to be like the Seventies and women like the Fifties. All the new technologies and connectedness are just more walls for cheats and players to hide in. People don’t even have the courage to simply answer their phones anymore. They have to see who is calling first. Caller ID has made cowards of us all.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
All quotes unattributed.
“Everyone knows that singles have been hit worse than New Orleans for the last decade. But there are only no win positions for politicians. Any proposal will anger either men or women and every proposal will be seen as oppressing gays. It is all sin to the Religious Right, intrusive to Libertarians, and not far enough for the Left. You do or say anything about it and your next opponent will whack you off with it.”
“Congress must pass a law against false advertising on dates and dating sites. On line you get photos either decades old or retouched into Avatars. The bios prove that there really is a novel in everyone or a huge mountain of denial. On dates citizens have been bamboobeled with padded bras, rolls of quarters and clown shoes.”
“Dating on line left me with a burning itch on my Twitter.”
“I’ve caught three viruses on facebook and I wear rubber gloves when I type.”
Broken hearts, promises and condoms have become epidemic and as restaurants, motels, nightclubs and other businesses dependant on somebody getting laid struggle to survive the recession Congress allows the emotional slaughter of singles to continue.
“Since The Rules became a bestseller a decade ago women have been trying to regain a control I don’t think the modern world affords. Men want it to be like the Seventies and women like the Fifties. All the new technologies and connectedness are just more walls for cheats and players to hide in. People don’t even have the courage to simply answer their phones anymore. They have to see who is calling first. Caller ID has made cowards of us all.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, October 23, 2010
October Moon
I want the long lacquered nails of an olive skinned female
To run down my chest over my heart
Big bosomed woman
Thighs can be thick or thin
Long as they’re shapely and naked
No rush no touch
Don’t even want to be close
Need you at a distance where
I can see your entire body
Without moving my eyes
Desire is its own god and devil
I will always be hard
I will never be wise
Because I look at my woman
It is the weight of my eyes
That flattens her back and spreads her thighs
What’s a poor girl to do?
But submit
Fuck it
Tomorrow you’ll be as good as new.
Don Arrup
Satire1
To run down my chest over my heart
Big bosomed woman
Thighs can be thick or thin
Long as they’re shapely and naked
No rush no touch
Don’t even want to be close
Need you at a distance where
I can see your entire body
Without moving my eyes
Desire is its own god and devil
I will always be hard
I will never be wise
Because I look at my woman
It is the weight of my eyes
That flattens her back and spreads her thighs
What’s a poor girl to do?
But submit
Fuck it
Tomorrow you’ll be as good as new.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Marxist Monarchy
Kim Jong-il, the Asian Elvis of tyrants, is apparently anointing his son Kim Jong-un as his successor making for the third in the line of the North Korean Communist Kings beginning with Grandpa Kim Il-sung who single handedly expelled the Imperial Japanese from Korea last century.
Young –un was inducted into the military with only four stars to weigh his broad shoulders but is expected to rise quickly in the ranks. When his ill father –il dies the entire military and country of rock and starving subjects will be his.
Little is known about young –un. No photographs of him had been released since his school days when he entered kindergarten as a professor emeritus but it is hoped he will continue his father’s humble proletarian ways of abducting foreign actresses and extorting neighboring countries with nuclear missiles.
Since we Americans are responsible for every ill in the land of –il we maintain a sizable force on North Korea’s southern border to give their oversized military something to do besides terrorizing their civilians. Their only ally, the People’s Republic of China, keeps an even larger force on the Kingdom’s northern border in case North Koreans decide it might be better to go somewhere where there is food.
In the fairytale Kingdom of il un sung
Where the slaves are happy and the king’s really hung
A paradise for workers in the land of the free
They sell nuclear missiles and technology
To terrorists and Iranians to kill you and me
Good luck to young –il on his coronation
To complete his country’s fornication
If you were born here don’t bitch
Don Arrup
Satire1
Young –un was inducted into the military with only four stars to weigh his broad shoulders but is expected to rise quickly in the ranks. When his ill father –il dies the entire military and country of rock and starving subjects will be his.
Little is known about young –un. No photographs of him had been released since his school days when he entered kindergarten as a professor emeritus but it is hoped he will continue his father’s humble proletarian ways of abducting foreign actresses and extorting neighboring countries with nuclear missiles.
Since we Americans are responsible for every ill in the land of –il we maintain a sizable force on North Korea’s southern border to give their oversized military something to do besides terrorizing their civilians. Their only ally, the People’s Republic of China, keeps an even larger force on the Kingdom’s northern border in case North Koreans decide it might be better to go somewhere where there is food.
In the fairytale Kingdom of il un sung
Where the slaves are happy and the king’s really hung
A paradise for workers in the land of the free
They sell nuclear missiles and technology
To terrorists and Iranians to kill you and me
Good luck to young –il on his coronation
To complete his country’s fornication
If you were born here don’t bitch
Don Arrup
Satire1
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Indian Summer
Tax cuts
Cold cuts
Political picnic
I have a better idea what’s in baloney
Than what’s in these bills they argue over
Our fate
Our rate
Maybe nobody really knows what’s in baloney
The poor say we want ours
The affluent say leave mine alone
Would you let your son or daughter date
The person you voted to represent you?
Tea Party
My nority
White people oppressed
By the dark Menace
Brewed in the Ivy ghetto
Has his hand up your doctor’s ass
Gays impatient
Blacks disappointed
Immigrants anxious
Hung over from the Promise
Emanuel goes to Chicago
Elections loom
All predicting doom
Just give us time
Not on my dime
Brother, can you spare one?
Don Arrup
Satire1
Cold cuts
Political picnic
I have a better idea what’s in baloney
Than what’s in these bills they argue over
Our fate
Our rate
Maybe nobody really knows what’s in baloney
The poor say we want ours
The affluent say leave mine alone
Would you let your son or daughter date
The person you voted to represent you?
Tea Party
My nority
White people oppressed
By the dark Menace
Brewed in the Ivy ghetto
Has his hand up your doctor’s ass
Gays impatient
Blacks disappointed
Immigrants anxious
Hung over from the Promise
Emanuel goes to Chicago
Elections loom
All predicting doom
Just give us time
Not on my dime
Brother, can you spare one?
Don Arrup
Satire1
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