Congressional offices are overwhelmed with demands from single and cheating spouse voters for Dating Insurance Reform. Republicans say the issue belongs to Democrats since they run everyone’s life. Democrats claim they reach no deeper than the pocket and only Republicans go into people’s pants and womb. But as dating rules and strategy books became best sellers and dating horror stories filled the news and talk shows members of both parties uniformly shrink from the issue.
All quotes unattributed.
“Everyone knows that singles have been hit worse than New Orleans for the last decade. But there are only no win positions for politicians. Any proposal will anger either men or women and every proposal will be seen as oppressing gays. It is all sin to the Religious Right, intrusive to Libertarians, and not far enough for the Left. You do or say anything about it and your next opponent will whack you off with it.”
“Congress must pass a law against false advertising on dates and dating sites. On line you get photos either decades old or retouched into Avatars. The bios prove that there really is a novel in everyone or a huge mountain of denial. On dates citizens have been bamboobeled with padded bras, rolls of quarters and clown shoes.”
“Dating on line left me with a burning itch on my Twitter.”
“I’ve caught three viruses on facebook and I wear rubber gloves when I type.”
Broken hearts, promises and condoms have become epidemic and as restaurants, motels, nightclubs and other businesses dependant on somebody getting laid struggle to survive the recession Congress allows the emotional slaughter of singles to continue.
“Since The Rules became a bestseller a decade ago women have been trying to regain a control I don’t think the modern world affords. Men want it to be like the Seventies and women like the Fifties. All the new technologies and connectedness are just more walls for cheats and players to hide in. People don’t even have the courage to simply answer their phones anymore. They have to see who is calling first. Caller ID has made cowards of us all.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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