Satire1 interviewed the Republican Presidential Primary Candidates on the recent accusations of pedophilia by former Penn State Football Coach Jerry Sandusky that led to riots on the Happy Valley campus after the midnight firing of legendary Coach Joe Paterno.
Governor Rick Perry
“It seems this all began back in the Clinton Administration. President Bush was tied up with terrorism and starting wars but as all those problems have been winding down I think the current President could have done more to protect the behinds of our future leaders. “
“Our state gun rights assure there is no pedophilia in Texas but I routinely check the showers and locker rooms at the University of Texas just to be sure.”
Congresswoman Michele Bachman
“What I want to know is where was Mrs. Obama when all this was going down. The Obamas have been living on Pennsylvania Avenue for almost three years so this was practically in their backyard. It is traditionally the First Lady who acts as an advocate for the nation’s children and pushing vegetables on fat kids is only going to make them more attractive to these sick individuals.”
Ambassador Jon Huntsman
“Of course it was a state college. This is just another instance of how government spends your tax dollars raping our children.”
Former House Speaker and College Professor Newt Gingrich
“In academic circles it was just assumed that people become coaches because they are pedophiles.”
Governor Mitt Romney
“I know what I’m about to say is going to be controversial and I’m probably going to get a lot of flack about it from the media but as someone asking the American people for their vote to be their president I feel the public has a right to know. I always kind of liked Joe Paterno.”
Pizza Man Herman Cain
“This is another example of trial by media. Coach Sandusky was probably reviewing the Quarterback/Center exchange in that shower and if anything did happen it is Obama that should be fired not Joepa.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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