O Girls Bam

President Obama responded to the NRA charges of hypocrisy that his daughters enjoyed the armed protection of the Secret Service while he was offering only limited funding to turn the nation's schools into ammo dumps.

"First, I'd like to thank the NRA for reminding us that we live in a democracy. For the entirety of my Washington career that organization of four and a quarter million in a nation of 300 million has called the shots on gun legislation. Pardon the pun. They are well organized, single issue and determined to bypass the first two clauses of the Second Amendment which describe the "well regulated militia which is necessary to the security of a free state." 

But that's an argument for another time. Today, I want to address allegations of hypocrisy on my part in having armed agents of the Treasury Department following my daughters to and about their school day. The leaders of the National Rifle Association are free to express their opinions if indeed the Secret Service agents assigned to my daughters were in response to the thirty odd death threats myself and my family enjoy daily but that is not the case. The agents are not there to protect my daughters but to protect their fellow students and teachers from them."

"This really should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with girls between the ages of eleven and fourteen. Our eldest, Malia, whom Michelle and I refer to as Lady Macbeth doesn't even have to speak. She has developed through subtle eye movements, looks and facial expressions the ability to hand down judgements more complex than Supreme Court rulings. Even if you aren't looking at her."

"Our youngest, Sasha, has a mouth. It is not what she says, her choice of words or even her tone. It is the merciless fluctuation of notes in her Ah ha's and Hmm's that cut even combat hardened generals down to empty tunics. The first time I introduced her to the Joint Chiefs she was seven. I turned around for a moment to listen to a note from an aide and turned back to a pile of medals on the floor.  They all put in for combat pay and haven't accepted an invitation to the White House since."

"And don't think their mean girl reputations are lost on our nation's enemies. In Bin Laden's computer there were no fewer than a dozen denials to operatives in our country to kidnap the First Children. Bin Laden was confident it could be done but concluded that it would be "a cruelty no good Muslim should endure" to be exposed to my daughters."

"So, in response to the criticism of the NRA I am inviting their leadership and their spouses to the White House to have dinner at our table where we can discuss their wives' hairdos and dresses, their choice of ties and what if any pair of shoes could possibly go with their suits. And then provide them with Secret Service accompaniment to their homes where the agents will make sure they are not left alone with one of their guns."

Don Arrup

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