Firestorm

In light of the over 200 deaths in a Brazil Nightclub last weekend President Obama has called for a bi-partisan Congressional Commission to look into the causes of the massacre and how it could be prevented here.

Conservative columnists quickly assigned blame to the deadly choice of music played at the nightclub siting near forty years of Lawrence Welk concerts without a single reported death. 

While Evangelical columnists blamed the heavy consumption of alcoholic beverages which literally turned the average dancer into a human torch. Still, other Christian columnists believe that the lewd dancing created an un-natural somatic heat close to the dancers solar plexus which any spark or unclean thought could have ignited. Calls to ban all dancing outside of waltzes and polkas are being promoted on Christian radio.

Liberals have taken a different track suggesting that fireworks in an enclosed space may have been the culprit and call for legislation to ban all products that were invented in China. "You don't need anything more than a sparkler on July Fourth to celebrate what's left of this country," President Obama suggested from the White House Boom Boom Room Saturday night after hearing the reports. "Of course, doing without paper and noodles will require some sacrifice by the American people but if it means our children are safer I'm sure they'll make that choice."

Some speculated that the problem was that they actually let people into the nightclub. "Here in New York nobody wants to go to a nightclub that lets people in so none of the clubs let anyone in. The owners hold small private parties in huge meat packing plants whose only draw is that hundreds are stranded outside the velvet ropes where they are ignored by 300 pound ex-cons with their arms folded at the door."

"The only real danger we face as a nation is under reacting."

Don Arrup

Satire1