Pope Bama

The General Assembly of the United Nations has voted to expel the Vatican from the UN and has declared the Roman Catholic Church an international terrorist organization. Citing its Gangland political structure, secret societies, history of cover ups and threats of damnation, NATO Secretary General Rasmussen declared that the alliance is in a state of immediate deployment at the first sign of any Easter celebration. 

"If you see a chocolate rabbit, fire at will."

In almost every country across the globe troops are sweeping coops for hens laying brightly colored eggs. In the U.S., the Federal Bureau of Investigation arrested the Notre Dame football team and manhandled their cheerleaders.

At the heart of the crisis was the closed election conclave and their choice of successor to Saint Peter in the office of the Bishop of Rome aka the Pope.

A number of Cardinals spoke of the selection off the record:

"I can't believe we picked another Catholic. Almost everyone was calling for change. And another old, white guy at that."

"He's just some foreign cardinal we found riding the bus. Nobody knew him so he didn't have any enemies so he won."

"We should have made Obama pope. He is certainly more qualified as pontiff than as the Nobel Peace Prize winner. Is that a drone?"

"So this Francis wears the shoes of the fisherman now. With those robes I can't see what shoes he's wearing. Besides, I think Peter wore flip flops."

Don Arrup

Satire1

End Winter Blahs

For the last two years it has been exceptionally easy to write satire. The entire election cycle starting with the Republican Debates and through the election and fallout never failed to provide. Now, it is impossible to write satire. I saw the Yahoo news headline a moment ago when checking my email:

Senate Poised To Pass Budget Deal

I laughed for five minutes. The Senate and House couldn't agree on how many stripes are on the American flag and we're to hold our breath for a 1930's bill when the House recasts legislation from 1910.

Immigration might actually be dealt with. The Congress has been remarkably successful in halting the illegal immigration of any new idea into its hollow halls for decades now. No border guard. Just an impenetrable electronic fence of media.

Don Arrup

Satire1

Ode To Ed Reed

No one appreciates safeties

Except for the opposing team

They can only blow coverages

Be fooled by play action

Get looked off 

Be beat

Rick Volk

True town Colt

John Lynch

Pin of the Bad Butt Buc D

Ball Hawkin Dawkins

Terror in Emerald Green

They were the stuff

Poisoning Quarterbacks dreams

But none more terrifying 

Than Ed Reed

You may get past Lewis

You may think you run free

But you're not out of the Purple

Till you get past Ed Reed

Record picks

And scoring runbacks

Not garbage time stats

But against Steelers and Pats

Man Brothers in big games

The longest pick return

The greatest Quarterback burn

Breaking the former record

Held by Ed Reed

Polamalu

I love you

But you're not a DB

Hybrid backer supreme

You play dynamic and mean

But when the ball's in the air

No one can compare

To the man, the legend

THE SAFETY

Ed Reed

Don Arrup

Satire1

They Stole An Hour Of My Birthday

Hey, Daylight Savings Imbecile, March 10th is my birthday and you've stolen an hour of it. That Fall Back crap you do in November doesn't give me back part of my birthday. It gives some Autumn born idiot a twenty five hour birthday at my expense. 

And it was the best hour of my birthday. Hell, the best hour of my year. Right when my wife wakes me up, gives me my gift and then says Happy Birthday. This year she woke me up, noticed the clock jump and went right to saying Happy Birthday. That was my annual blow job you stole. 

Don't think this is over. It isn't even Spring and you pull this. Okay, so that's one more hour of Spring. I could give a damn. Some birthday boy or girl is getting my birthday hour and I want it back. They don't know it yet but that birthday bunny has a job. A bob job. For my Happy Birthday and a half.

Don Arrup

Satire1