The General Assembly of the United Nations has voted to expel the Vatican from the UN and has declared the Roman Catholic Church an international terrorist organization. Citing its Gangland political structure, secret societies, history of cover ups and threats of damnation, NATO Secretary General Rasmussen declared that the alliance is in a state of immediate deployment at the first sign of any Easter celebration.
"If you see a chocolate rabbit, fire at will."
In almost every country across the globe troops are sweeping coops for hens laying brightly colored eggs. In the U.S., the Federal Bureau of Investigation arrested the Notre Dame football team and manhandled their cheerleaders.
At the heart of the crisis was the closed election conclave and their choice of successor to Saint Peter in the office of the Bishop of Rome aka the Pope.
A number of Cardinals spoke of the selection off the record:
"I can't believe we picked another Catholic. Almost everyone was calling for change. And another old, white guy at that."
"He's just some foreign cardinal we found riding the bus. Nobody knew him so he didn't have any enemies so he won."
"We should have made Obama pope. He is certainly more qualified as pontiff than as the Nobel Peace Prize winner. Is that a drone?"
"So this Francis wears the shoes of the fisherman now. With those robes I can't see what shoes he's wearing. Besides, I think Peter wore flip flops."
Don Arrup
Satire1
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