Despite their best technical efforts neither The People’s Republic of China nor The Glorious Kingdom of North Korea has been able to get Satire1 off their party line.
Kimmie
Hello? My secretary told me this is an official call from President Xi Jing Pingpong of China.
Pingpong
Kimmie, baby, what’s the countdown in special K?
Kimmie
The fireworks did their job. Now it’s time to mix messages. Even louder bang.
Pingpong
You mean the olive branch you shoved up Donald’s ass?
Kimmie
Negotiation is penetration. Just like you taught me.
Pingpong
Donny’s a total bizbot. He drops everything and his pants if he smells a deal.
Kimmie
I’m thinking of leaking to the Japanese your suggestion.
Pingpong
Let him put up a couple of hotels on your side of the rock?
Kimmie
My big hats agree with you. Donald would never bomb anyplace where he has holdings.
Pingpong
Bombing is bad for business.
Kimmie
We don’t have very many good locations to offer so I was thinking maybe one in our capital and another in the north.
Pingpong
How about one along the Yangtze River. A little cover for the Mandarins who gave you the idea.
Kimmie
Don’t worry about that, Pingpong. We’ve already built the models for a Trump Yangtze.
Pingpong
He’ s going to want to build a golf course.
Kimmie
I don’t know, Pingpong. Golfers dress funny.
Pingpong
It’s the pants. They’re counter revolutionary.
Kimmie
The shoes are worse.
Pingpong
I can’t talk golf shoes with you on an unsecured line.
Kimmie
My bad. Hey, I heard you were setting yourself up a tenure like mine.
Pingpong
Yeah, Emperor Xi, but it means I have to live with the consequences of whatever I do.
Kimmie
Not like American presidents who just kick grandma down the road if her teeth look bad.
Pingpong
That’s how your family whipped the Americans.
Kimmie
Whoever the clown is we just lie until they fly.
Pingpong
Your ear.
Kimmie
Your’s.
Pingpong
You can be as ridiculous as you want with Trump if it’s just life and death but if you start to cut a business deal with him then we’re talking money.
Kimmie
Yeah, Donny can see opportunity even in Armageddon but you just pinch his bottom line and he won’t sit down for it.
Don Arrup
Satire1
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