Now that a number of lions and tigers (no bears? On my!) have tested positive for the coronavirus at the Bronx Zoo experts admit that they are not sure whether household pets could be carriers and even sufferers of same. So Satire1 in its ever vigilant pursuit of truth takes to the culture’s wider net of experts for their opinions on this dilemma.
Tarzan
“Tarzan wrestle a lot of lions who thought Jane looked yummy and no problem. I’ve had colds but Jane blames Tarzan naked all the time.”
Hercules
“My first labor was to slay the NeMEAN lion as if most lions aren’t mean. That impervious fur of his made for a great coat but it had a stench of skunk squirt and camel fart. If Nemean had a virus he didn’t mention it while I was strangling him.”
Sheena
“I was by far the first of the leopard skin fashion craze only I got the real thing off of a very uncooperative kitty. I might have caught a few sniffles in that skirmish but her skin has kept me cozy in all the right places and is still the Queen of the Jungle dress.”
Cowardly Lion
“I saved that Wizard’s ass and he blew me off with a tin medal when what I really needed was some decent personal protection equipment. I should have fed him to those horny monkeys.”
Tony the Tiger
Really? We can catch the Coronavirus? It’ll be hard to remember to wear my red bandana over my snout instead of around my neck because I always feel GRRREAT!
President Donald Trump
“I’ve wrestled a number of fat cats. Fat. Cats. And New York is the densest jungle in the world. Believe me, you been what I’ve been through you know to keep at least six feet distance between your person and their claws.”
(Full disclosure: The author is a Towson University Tiger)
Don Arrup
Satire1
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