Working from home, Satire1 continues to interview the culture’s leading experts on some of the pressing issues of the day.
SOCIAL DISTANCING
Quasimodo, Hunchback of Notre Dame
“The Corona virus really hit Paris last month but I’ve been practicing social distancing for most of my life.”
Howard Hughes, billionaire hermit and former aviator
“After dating 19 year old Jane Russell there really wasn’t much to go out for after that.”
Lone Ranger, crime fighting vigilante cowboy
“Tonto, Silver and I tend to keep to ourselves anyway. Besides, this mask starts to itch after a while.”
MASKS
Batman, unitard wearing gadget guru good guy
“I know Superman doesn’t wear one but if you want a piece of that Catwoman action you play by her rules.”
Man in the Iron Mask, loser in a swashbuckling adventure
“Well, the dungeon makes for the social distancing and the mask gets really cold at night but the worst thing is that I can’t remember if I’m the king or the doppelgänger.”
Darth Vader, next president of the United States
“After I was pushed into the lava at Mustafar I just picked up this mask with the built in ventilator and speech enhancer at the nearest Death Star. This recent bug definitely brought out the hoarders.”
Catwoman, you know her
“What woman doesn’t want nine lives- all at the same time?”
HANDWASHING
Pontius Pilate, former Roman governor of Judaea
“I’ve been washing my hands of that damn Mideast posting for twenty centuries now over a carpenter I met maybe twice.”
Lady Macbeth, former interim Queen of Scotland
“If that damn cotton ball of a husband of mine would have just done his job I wouldn’t have been exposed to the King’s blood. And the King was definitely infected with a curse.”
Mr. Clean, big bicepted genie in a blinding white T shirt
“I’ve been in ten thousand Men’s Rooms and nine guys out of ten spend more time pulling their zipper up.”
Be safe.
Don Arrup
Satire1
*Satire1 celebrates its twelfth anniversary. Thank you, readers.
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