The Fifth Super Local, County, City, State, National and Intergalactic Republican Party Convention held once every forty years convened in Mohungus, Tennessee last week to determine the direction and undertow of Republican orthodoxy for the next two score. The convention was to be held in 2020 but was cancelled due to Covid and rigged election hysteria.
The first Order of Concern taken up was: Is the party too white for the evolving American electorate?
After an hour’s debate it was agreed that people of color universally identify with fellow brunettes no matter what the skin pigmentation. The party was not too white and perhaps not even white enough. The problem was the party was too blonde.
Trying desperately to avoid a peroxide riot a voice vote decided that the party leadership shouldn’t have more than one blonde- either Liz Cheney or Donald Trump would need to step down. This engendered a much more passionate debate.
Former Republican presidential candidate Senator Mitt Romney called for Trump to excuse himself as he is more of a strawberry blonde or orange man. Texas Senator Ted Cruz countered that Representative Cheney was a dirty blonde and therefore a dirty girl and a bad example to young conservative women.
Georgia’s Senator Lindsey Graham protested claiming former/current President Trump is the dirty blonde and House Republican Conference Chair Cheney is the dumb blonde.
Among other topics a formal panel in the Alfonso’s Pizzeria was held to discuss how to portray the Congressional frat party that took place on January 6th. A letter of apology was drafted but not signed to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi about her office being trashed. The blame was assigned to the University of Colorado’s mascot spreading rumors that “every American’s grandmother” had chilled kegs on hand for the visiting public.
The SLCCSNIGRPC does not issue or publish their decisions and only time will tell the true direction of the Grand Old Party.
Don Arrup
Satire1
No comments:
Post a Comment