Ape Morning Blues

Sitting on my living room couch

So glad the television isn’t on

Shiny bastards dragging the whole region

Into my home creaking under its mortgage

Through their bright smiles and blinkless winks

They explain what a wreck our town is

Bam! There it is again

The paper the goddamn paper

Now the whole world’s problems

Are on my doorstep

I struggle to step over around through it

The newsprint stains my eyes and hands

My wife planted pansies beside the steps

To ward off neighbors cleavage

And evil apologizing egg borrowers

Divorcees who need to use her man

For just a wee minute

As if I still last that long

Got my portion right though

How did she know?

What women say over a fence

No man wants to No No No!

Don’t look at me like that

Over my half cooked bacon and runny eggs

Even if we were having waffles 

You couldn’t bring that up

There’s not enough syrup in the world

My red eared boss will be waiting for me

To yell at me through the back of his head

Or in rare good mood brags

How his oldest boy just got in

Alpha Zeta Circle Jerk fraternity

Majoring in hangovers and shit pants

At What’s A Matter U

Dolores a woman actually named Dolores

Chiseled beehive and pancake foundation

Covering acne scars Neil Armstrong 

Might have stepped over  

Perfume the Germans used in trench warfare

More rings, bracelets and baubles 

Than a gypsy thousandaire

The worst part?

After work I go home

The evening paper will be there

Explaining how things got worse

While I was toiling away

The problems that resolve 

Disappear from the headlines

Croak and you get a thumb print obit

The rest is an advertisement 

For the funeral home

The economy must go on

Pat the dirt down

Over your last real estate

Don Arrup

Satire1