The Ministers of Finance of The People’s Republic of China and Government of Japan announced that with the Federal Government of the United States of America owing over nine and half trillion dollars and our debt ballooning close to an additional two billion a day it is time to foreclose on the delinquent account and seize all Federal buildings and Military bases both in this country and across the globe.
Pong Ping, China’s Finance Minister said that they expect to unload the overseas bases of the U.S. Navy, Army and Air Force in a matter of weeks to the host countries provided the weapon systems and Coke machines are included in the deals. “Saudi Arabia has already made us an offer on two of the bases on their soil,” said Ping, “And Iraq has already given us a check.” Ping noted that under the agreement Japan would recoup most of its paper with the huge bases in Okinawa, South Korea and Hawaii (which is practically Japan anyway). China has already begun dismantling the Washington Monument for shipping to Beijing and hopes to have it erect in time for the Olympic games. “We could open the Games with the Liberty Bell,” said Ping, “but I’m not sure what we’ll do with the Star Spangled Banner.”
While attempting to contact the White House for comment we were met with a recording from the phone company explaining that the account was terminated for failure to pay their bills.
“I never planned to live in the White House,” said Barrack Obama. “There is nothing in the Constitution that says the Executive of the United States has to live in a White House. The original Executive Mansion was burned down by the British in the War of 1812 and when they built a new house First Lady Dolly Madison liked white. When I get in office my First Lady is choosing the color. America always wins the Super Bowl. I really don’t see why this Olympics should be any different.”
“Do I think America is going to win the Super Bowl? Of course I do. Do I think America will win the World Series? I don’t know about that. I don’t know if the World Series could be won by America if it really was the Series of the World. Japan has a good league, China, Cuba; I don’t think we could beat Cuba in a fair contest. And I’ve been to Miami, Cuba many times. Best cigars and brothels in the world. I’ll win the black vote because I’m one of them. I’ve been in prison. I’m blood,”
“I’m a Chicago guy,” said Obama, “A Harvard man. For those of you outside the Boston metropolitan area it’s pronounced Hard On or Hard Up. Harvard along with the other top endowed universities could buy the debt of this country and own it outright like we did before the Twentieth century destroyed the meritocracy. I hope my wife paints the Man’s House crimson like our Alma Mater. Then the people could call it the Blood House.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
