Fannie and Freddie will be fine. Bill Gates is still rich. There is plenty of new home construction in Manhattan and New Orleans. Somebody somewhere can still pay her mortgage. Iraq isn’t that expensive and Afghanistan is practically a bargain.
The dollar has shrunk so much there isn’t room for the big heads anymore. Mexican families are sending money north to help immigrants here for a change. Wall Street is going south for vacation. Martians are buying General Motors. Gas costs more than imported champagne.
What do you mean I have to buy a new TV after Christmas? What, are you trying to kill me? I don’t mind the layoff, the foreclosure and the repop on my car but you’re making my TV obsolete? How am I going to know how poor I am if I can’t see it on TV?
Wall Street asks Washington for help. Bush signs new government regulations. Al Qaeda complains about its credit score. So what if you can’t afford food, the energy to cook it costs too much anyhow. Think of the money you’ll save on your gas and electric. We’re all supposed to be skinny anyway, right? Hey, maybe soon we won’t be able to afford global warming. But China and India will probably pick up the slack. About time they did their share.
I feel sick but I know its nothing because I can’t afford health insurance. I’d go to the emergency room but the economy’s in there right now and all the King’s horsemen and all the King’s men are examining the pieces of eggshell that was once this country and are trying to figure out if it’s a recession or a depression or a forgotten episode of the Twilight Zone.
My wife says our money worries have made me impotent but I told her don’t worry my organ is too big to fail. Let one of these talking heads addressing the Congressional committees pump new life into my manhood and give her neck and wrists a rest- maybe Fed Chairman Bernanke with the baldpate and hair around the mouth since his head kind of looks like my wife’s lap. He’ll do. Even if he can’t save the nation he might save my weekend. Then we can decide on Monday whether it’s a recession or not.
Don Arrup
Satire1
