Night Of The Living Banks

On Main Streets across the United States agents of the FDIC armed with nets and blowtorches hunt down zombie banks. Loan dead creatures whose debt and inactivity sucks the blood out of local economies and threatens wider regions and the nation. Shareholders on paper plantations have become the prey. Armies of the foreclosed gather and squat in unfinished developments called Obamavilles terrorizing the early buyers who purchased within their means.

The Environmental Protection Agency has taken over Wall Street as a toxic loan dump. Doctor Frankenbama injects capital with lighting legislation but the stats are flat or falling. Shitty Bank and Bum of America hang in the balance.

I need health care. There’s no hospital in this town. I’m due this month. Don’t worry. We’re ordering the cement now.

Infants plucked from their mother’s breasts to march into the exploded Head Start program. If people had to take porn sites out on dates the economy would get going again. Screw the infrastructure. Land planes on rivers like they do in New York.

Stimulus. Stimulus. Throw money at it. When the bear sees its greenbacks it will run away. Then we can build a bonfire to keep us warm till May.

Don Arrup
Satire1