Obama Promises To End Suffering Of Super Rich

President Obama in a press conference today stated that the United States would not stand by while both the country and the world’s super rich continue to suffer in this economic downturn.

“America will not stand by as zillionaires are reduced to billionaires before our very eyes. America will not watch hard working families who through sweat and sacrifice endured birth in order to make their dreams come true be reduced to almost imaginable wealth. Not only here in our country but around the world.”

“The American people are a generous and compassionate people and understand that the magnificent bounty provided us through this abundant land bestows on us an obligation to secure the massive fortunes of not only the super rich of our country but the super rich of the world as well. For one thing, few countries have the combined wealth to match their super rich citizens. Someone is going to have to pick up the slack and that someone is the American taxpayer who for generations has been the world’s guarantor of obscene legacies and amassments.”

“While we speak, the Rothschilds face foreclosure on their summer country and may soon be forced to abandon it to its native inhabitants if we do not act soon. The gross domestic product of France no where near approaches the loss the family faces if we do not step up to the plate and bail out these fabled folk. America does not forget that it was the Rothchilds who provided the credit line America needed when it and the world faced its darkest hours in the Second World War. The fact that the family also financed the Third Reich throughout its rise to power and conquest is beside the point. Hitler was never given the favorable rates America enjoyed and that was the difference that saved the world.”

“Tonight, as Americans gather in their boxes underneath their bridges sleepless with worry that the Rothchilds, Rockefellers and Hapsburgs may be facing deprivation I assure that we will identify any working American who has two nickels to rub together and that I will get one of those nickels to the Rothchilds and other needy families like them.”

Got any change?

Don Arrup
Satire1