Satire1 asks all of its readers who are still employed to direct their charitable contributions to Bank of America in Charlotte, North Carolina so that they may continue their important lobbying effort to block consumer protections from becoming law. Our failure to properly fund this cause could result in a reduction of multi-million dollar bonuses so needed by the people who stole your children’s future.
I don’t know where to send the troops. The whole world terrifies me.
People are starting to pull 2010 on me. I don’t believe in 2010 yet. I can’t see the end of 2009. I haven’t survived it.
A rose by any other name would not smell as sweet. It’d smell like feet.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Lobbyists Versus Activists
I tend to fear lobbyists less than activists. Lobbyists just want to rob us. Activists want to tell us how to live. Now, it is true that the robbing lobbyists do tends to be perpetual. The hand goes in our pockets and never comes out. I consider it just another not being rich tax.
Activists, on the other hand (the one not in your pocket), want to have us by the throat. They want to tell us what we can do with our bodies, who we can marry, what we can ingest, where we can smoke and which human needs are legitimate and which are socialist.
Lobbyists bribe. Activists cry.
Lobbyists write checks. Activists write letters.
Lobbyists burn in Hell. Activists make our lives Hell.
*Readers are invited to add their comparisons through the Comment Function.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Activists, on the other hand (the one not in your pocket), want to have us by the throat. They want to tell us what we can do with our bodies, who we can marry, what we can ingest, where we can smoke and which human needs are legitimate and which are socialist.
Lobbyists bribe. Activists cry.
Lobbyists write checks. Activists write letters.
Lobbyists burn in Hell. Activists make our lives Hell.
*Readers are invited to add their comparisons through the Comment Function.
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Afghan Corruption A Bargain By Wahsington Standards
Administration officials admitted yesterday that efforts to control corruption in the Afghan government of President Hamid Karzai have failed but noted that Kabul still remains a bargain when compared to Washington.
“In Washington the banking and financial industry have to spend $8000 per congressman to continue to rob the country. In Afghanistan you can own a legislator for a tenth of that.”
Obama defended President Karzai’s policies. “What our critics are calling corruption I call revenue. We can’t stop their drug trade but the bribes at least act as a tax on Afghanistan’s only thriving industry besides death. If you want to attract quality people to their government service then you do what Wall Street does to hold on to the best and the brightest. You let them steal.”
“When Halliburton and the other thieves go into a village the wash of your tax dollars acts as a economic stimulus. The American people have to accept that the only functioning economy Afghanistan has is drugs, mercenaries, terrorism and rugs. Rampant corruption assures that not all of the aid we send will end up in Karzai’s pocket as he jets out of the country the moment we pull our support and his shamocracy collapses.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
“In Washington the banking and financial industry have to spend $8000 per congressman to continue to rob the country. In Afghanistan you can own a legislator for a tenth of that.”
Obama defended President Karzai’s policies. “What our critics are calling corruption I call revenue. We can’t stop their drug trade but the bribes at least act as a tax on Afghanistan’s only thriving industry besides death. If you want to attract quality people to their government service then you do what Wall Street does to hold on to the best and the brightest. You let them steal.”
“When Halliburton and the other thieves go into a village the wash of your tax dollars acts as a economic stimulus. The American people have to accept that the only functioning economy Afghanistan has is drugs, mercenaries, terrorism and rugs. Rampant corruption assures that not all of the aid we send will end up in Karzai’s pocket as he jets out of the country the moment we pull our support and his shamocracy collapses.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Gay Couples Stealing Straight Babies
Reports are pouring in from states that recognize same sex marriage that gay couples are stealing the babies of heterosexual couples. The Federal Bigot Bureau does not keep statistics for cross sexual preference kidnapping but members of Congress are considering making the abduction of children by gay couples a federal crime.
“These gay couples are taking later born children from straight couples who they deem have more than their share and can not properly provide higher educational opportunities for,” said Matrix Opem of the FBI. “The feeling in the gay community is that children raised without a liberal arts education could grow up conservative and breed voters.”
“Sure there are some gay couples that steal babies from straight couples but most, like my partner and I, steal their babies from other gay couples. I don’t know where the lesbians got our baby but she has a very well decorated home now,” said Hiram Lebcowski, spokesperson for the Give Me Your Straight Baby Coalition. “Everyone knows sperm donation is rape and we would rather die than have our baby brought up by rapists.”
“Of course gay people steal babies from straight couples. We’re godless perverts who live to corrupt the very fabric of civilization and improve fashion sense,” said Miriam Chalk of the Lesbian Cradle Robbers Union. “We’re raising children who will not see oral sex as a favor but as a right. If the public has a problem with it let them have a plebiscite. They’re voting on whether we’re human beings or not. Let the people take up this issue as well.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
“These gay couples are taking later born children from straight couples who they deem have more than their share and can not properly provide higher educational opportunities for,” said Matrix Opem of the FBI. “The feeling in the gay community is that children raised without a liberal arts education could grow up conservative and breed voters.”
“Sure there are some gay couples that steal babies from straight couples but most, like my partner and I, steal their babies from other gay couples. I don’t know where the lesbians got our baby but she has a very well decorated home now,” said Hiram Lebcowski, spokesperson for the Give Me Your Straight Baby Coalition. “Everyone knows sperm donation is rape and we would rather die than have our baby brought up by rapists.”
“Of course gay people steal babies from straight couples. We’re godless perverts who live to corrupt the very fabric of civilization and improve fashion sense,” said Miriam Chalk of the Lesbian Cradle Robbers Union. “We’re raising children who will not see oral sex as a favor but as a right. If the public has a problem with it let them have a plebiscite. They’re voting on whether we’re human beings or not. Let the people take up this issue as well.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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