Reports are pouring in from states that recognize same sex marriage that gay couples are stealing the babies of heterosexual couples. The Federal Bigot Bureau does not keep statistics for cross sexual preference kidnapping but members of Congress are considering making the abduction of children by gay couples a federal crime.
“These gay couples are taking later born children from straight couples who they deem have more than their share and can not properly provide higher educational opportunities for,” said Matrix Opem of the FBI. “The feeling in the gay community is that children raised without a liberal arts education could grow up conservative and breed voters.”
“Sure there are some gay couples that steal babies from straight couples but most, like my partner and I, steal their babies from other gay couples. I don’t know where the lesbians got our baby but she has a very well decorated home now,” said Hiram Lebcowski, spokesperson for the Give Me Your Straight Baby Coalition. “Everyone knows sperm donation is rape and we would rather die than have our baby brought up by rapists.”
“Of course gay people steal babies from straight couples. We’re godless perverts who live to corrupt the very fabric of civilization and improve fashion sense,” said Miriam Chalk of the Lesbian Cradle Robbers Union. “We’re raising children who will not see oral sex as a favor but as a right. If the public has a problem with it let them have a plebiscite. They’re voting on whether we’re human beings or not. Let the people take up this issue as well.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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