Supreme Court Justice Paul Stevens was the conservative centerist choice of President Gerald Ford. By the time he announced his retirement this week he was considered the liberal lion. After the recent bipartisan honeymoon called Health Care Reform conflict is likely to return over confirmation of his replacement.
Republicans will veto:
Moses- too Jewish. Immigrant. 2cd billing in the Koran. No beards.
Jesus Christ- too liberal. Incites class warfare and too concerned with poor and outcasts.
Abraham Lincoln- big spender. Poured half the economy into a hopeless war. Never popular in South and Anti-States Rights. Willing to extend citizenship to people who labor underpaid and without rights at shit jobs. Taxed everything that moved.
Thomas Jefferson- too gay. Speaks perfect French and was only Founding Father besides Washington who didn’t look ridiculous in knee britches.
Al Gore- too green.
Hilary Clinton- too Clinton.
John Stewart- too honest.
Democrats will veto:
Moses-Applies Death Penalty to misdemeanors. Not a lawyer.
Jesus Christ- too conservative. Spiritual leader of Pro Life Movement though views on abortion have never been recorded. Also not a lawyer.
Abraham Lincoln- too fascist. Suspended Habis Corpus and instituted first military conscription just after war lost public support.
Thomas Jefferson- too States Rights.
Al Gore- too Al Gore.
Hilary Clinton- enough Clinton!
John Stewart- too funny. They’ve got Biden for laughs.
Don Arrup
Satire1
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