Since the Supreme Court decided that corporations have the same rights as rich white guys in their freedom of speech and right to bear arms the Court ruled today that the States had no authority to deny corporations the right to marry each other or consenting adult human beings.
Chief Justice Roberts commented on the five to four ruling. “There are many regions of the country that believe being gay is a lifestyle choice condemned by God but no one disputes that corporations are the result of incorporation.
The majority of the court felt that this country’s long history of suppression, disenfranchisement and silencing of corporations must end.”
“If corporations marry human citizens will see with their own eyes that they are just like them,” said Justice Thomas. “Then corporations can give birth to companies and small businesses which will create jobs and dismantle Obamacare.”
“The Constitution is based on the assumption that citizens are created by copulation not incorporation,” wrote Justice Sotomajor in the dissenting opinion. “I fail to see the logic that equates incorporated businesses with human beings, labor unions and environmental groups.”
“The United States of America is a corporation, the incorporation of the States by the Constitution. That is who we are,” said Justice Scalia who voted with the majority but eats lunch alone. “We the people means We the shareholders.”
Lawyers for the Gay Rights Movement are exploring the possibility of gay individuals incorporating themselves in order to marry but state lawmakers are already drafting legislation barring financial masturbation.
Don Arrup
Satire1
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