President Obama announced on the White House lawn today that he has just hired over two million people currently behind bars in America as Conviction Demonstrators as part of a sweeping overhaul of the Penal and Housing systems.
Both citizen and foreign prisoners were drafted by executive order into the new Penal Corp and are to remain stationed in their current prison, jail or detention center. Those currently being charged with a crime are considered applicants and will only be hired upon conviction.
President Obama explained:
“Penal Corp participants will be paid the Federal Minimum Wage to cover the rent of their cells and board. This way the whole program pays for itself. It adds nothing to the deficit while creating over two million new jobs. And these are not short-term infrastructure projects but jobs that will last the length of the conviction. For thousands of Americans this will be a lifelong career.”
“My new Penal Corp will not infringe on the sovereignty of state and local prisons. Local laws and work rules still apply as the investments will continue to come from local taxpayers. But all detention centers will be issued PC T-shirts that say ‘This is not my punishment. This is my job.’”
“The new Penal Corp will also address the disproportionate toll the recession has taken on the poor and minorities as most of the hires will be from this group. “
“The Republicans are always saying put more people in jail. I say put more people to work. And if Congress ever gets around to criminalizing homelessness as I have requested we could end this housing crisis before the end of this year or whenever we can build enough children’s prisons.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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