Enough Of This Shia

Seeing his slim lead over Mitt Romney in the polls disappear President Obama has contacted Russian President Vladimir Putin and proposed restarting the Cold War as a way to consolidate power and jump start the economies in both countries. The new Cold War or Cold War 2 will be limited to arming proxies in the Syrian Civil War and other Middle East countries as the Arab Spring collapses into anarchy. 

"The only way out of the Great Depression was World War 2 and the only way out of the Great Recession is Cold War 2," the president explained in his weekly radio address. "There is no better stimulus than war and this way we can override Republican spending restraints and create high paying defense industry jobs."

"Europe will be in the same economic shape it was in 1945 by the end of the summer so this is our best opportunity to regain free world dominance."

"Americans don't mind being broke if we're killing enough people." said Defense Secretary Leon Panetta. "And with the wind downs in Iraq and Afghanistan I don't think we can target anywhere near the amount of terrorists we'd need to satiate the American lust for blood."

"Sure, if we hit Iran who the Russians are also backing we'd have Cold War 2 anyway," Panetta explained. "But even should we be that lucky why not get the dogs and cogs of war up to speed with a wider massacre in Syria?"

House Speaker Boehner protested.

"Russia isn't big enough since the collapse of the Soviet Union. We should war with China in Africa where there will be less disruption to our oil supplies. Beijing is our real rival and they look different from most of us which always helps."

Rep. Ron Paul has other ideas.

"I'm tired of fighting other countries by proxy or boot. Why not keep our money home and fight an American Civil War 2? We already fund our security and police forces so arming the poor and illegal immigrants will create a conflict we can't lose. It will destroy the oversupply of housing while providing valuable work experience to our kids coming out of school with no job prospects."

Don Arrup

Satire1