Obama QB

The National Football League New York Jets in their ever expanding effort to match the New England Patriots have picked up President Barack Obama as their Monday Night quarterback in the closing days of free agency.

Coach Rex Ryan:

"Obama has to be the best Monday morning quarterback in the country. He's right on top of every crisis that should have never happened in the first place. Whether it's the constitutional crisis of his health insurance bill, the continuing multi-trillion dollar crap shoot the banks are running, the doomsday deficit deadline or the rights of soccer fans to marry he really gives it his all after he drops the ball."

"We're going to try him out to see if he can bring that brilliant indecision to the Monday Night game."

"We like his spin moves, his calm in the huddle, his poise behind center and his unshakable optimism. We have two quarterbacks who are all too quick to make decisions and end up throwing way too many interceptions. Obama will either hand the ball off or hold it till he's sacked. The punter's job will never be in jeopardy."

"We're hoping he'll confuse defenses like he's confused the Republicans who keep expecting him to propose something." 

This will be Obama's second stint with the NY Jets after his disappointing tenure last season as offensive coordinator.

"Yeah, we tried handing the play calling to big O last season but he stayed up in the booth and kept asking Sanchez what he thought might work. I don't mind his deferring to the eyes on the field but a couple of times he complained that our opponent's defense might not go for it." 

Don Arrup

Satire1