Paw And Maw Santo

Satire1 visited Squeezebox, Nebiowadaho to talk to America's farmers Paw and Maw Santo who subsist by selling only 85-93% of the corn, soybean, cotton and canola seeds in the country about the legal persecution they've been suffering at the hands of family and organic farmers who use the wind to steal their patented seeds. 

Maw

"Paw and I have spent years using the Bible and the Constitution of the United States to change the genes of our crops to resist communism, atheism, vermin and the poison we sell for pin money and here all these hippies and families with their few hundred acres think they can just steal our seeds and not pay us."

Paw

"There's over 3,000 of these thieves organized by some lawyers into a mafia to stop us from claiming what is rightfully ours forcing us to get by on just eleven billion a year and what with inflation and cable costs going up-"

Maw

"-if you want to see the good shows on TV."

Paw

"You tell him, Maw."

Maw

"And we only have about 40 Senators and a couple of hundred Congressmen at our troth and what with Jews and Puerto Ricans and other radicals on the Supreme Court I don't see how a little family corporation like ours is to have a chance.

Paw

"This is the same court telling women they own their own breasts."

Maw

"This is why girls in Los Angeles are going around without bras."

Paw

"Spreading their breast cancer like influenza among the unsuspecting population."

Maw

"That's why even nuns and widows are getting it now."

Paw

"They think those pink ribbons are going to protect them."

Maw

"The color pink is a carcinogen."

Paw

"And it turns people gay."

Maw

"Even if they're married. And all these gay couples getting married and having gay babies who won't eat our corn."

Paw

"Pink is really just communist red whitewashed to seduce teenage girls into spreading their legs for FaceBook and these other meat market white slavery sites on the internet."

Maw

"It's anti-corn is what it is."

Paw

"We sell white corn, blue corn, yellow and Indian corn seeds but we won't make no pink corn seeds."

Maw

"Like those Castro people did down in Florida with the god fearing yellow grapefruit."

Paw

"And our pesticide only poisons the socialists and illegal immigrants that steal work from struggling Americans."

Maw

"Those Hispanics ought to go back to Spain where they belong."

Paw

"Those lawyers and hippies want to use their grandfather's seeds when God gave the grain seeds to Maw and me to improve and be fruitful with."

Maw

"They're saying the wind put our seeds in their fields. Well, we don't have no contract with the wind."

Paw

"All part of their Global Warming scam to rob struggling multinationals out of the meager living they eke out of the world's resources."

Maw

"The bunch of bullies."

Paw

"So you go on down to your local farmers market and ask them if they use our seeds."

Maw

"And if they don't you tell them to stop stealing from Paw and me."

Paw

"And stop giving us breast cancer and making our babies gay."

Don Arrup

Satire1