As the United Nations General Assembly Circus continues President Obama missed his hand job with Iranian President Hassan Rouhani but did give him a call when he was on his way home from the prom.
Ob
"Hey Hass, whassup."
Ro
"Just chillin, Bammy."
Ob
"How'd you like world jam?"
Ro
"Chow was good but there's never enough chicks at these things."
Ob
"Your translator looked fine."
Ro
"Yeah, stacked too but I can get a translator back home. You know, in New York a guy wants some strange."
Ob
"Why do you think I finished out my undergrad at Columbia."
Ro
"What did you major in at Columbia?"
Ob
"Alcohol."
Ro
"You and Bushy. I know that is the most popular major in your country but in Persia we don't drink alcohol. But we have hookie."
Ob
"I majored in hookie in high school."
Ro
"Hookie is very nice. Only thing better than hookie is nookie."
Ob
"Well, you've got that right. Look, Hass, I would have invited you to my crib for some interns but since Bill-"
Ro
"I know all about it. Jewish girl on her knees five times a day and not praying to Allah."
Ob
"The good old days."
Ro
"You should have been in Tehran for the revolution."
Ob
"The Americans there didn't feel very welcome."
Ro
"But that was a long time ago. Like a blow job. When it's over it's over. Nothing happened."
Ob
"Yeah, but Hezbollah-"
Ro
"There's a lot of angry people. I can't do anything about that. My government has a lot of angry people. Just like your government. You want to be president you need crazy people's vote. I need. You need."
Ob
"True enough. But the nuclear thing."
Ro
"Ah, the nuclear thing. I knew you were going to bring that up."
Ob
"Like a boner on a honeymoon-"
Ro
"Once it comes up it ain't going away. We all understand this."
Ob
"Any ideas?"
Ro
"So you, Bammy, have thousands of nuclear weapons, on missiles, in planes, submarines and artillery shells and you're afraid we're going to make a couple of fat boys."
Ob
"We have them so we don't have to use them,"
Ro
"Right. You explain to people of Japan. So we need same. We need them so we won't use them."
Ob
"You have Russia to cover your ass."
Ro
"We have Pooty. Pooty is our umbrella. Soon as Pooty goes anything goes. And Israel still has."
Ob
"We need you to follow the treaty."
Ro
"First you make Israel follow treaty. When Israel follows and inspectors find all their nukes then we agree."
Ob
"Ain't gunna happen."
Ro
"Ancient Israel was around for maybe four grandfathers, five at most. And this was before Mohamed. Then they come back after Hitler's killed and want it back. This is like a postman who knocked on your door and asked to use the bathroom. You let him. Forty years later he's retired. No bag. No uniform. He knocks on your door again and claims your bathroom is his because he took a dump there forty years ago."
Ob
"But JC was born there."
Ro
"JC was a very great prophet, the Koran gives him much praise, but he was a Roman Jew not an Israeli Jew."
Ob
"They ain't going away, Haas."
Ro
"This is why we need nuclear bomb. Pooty comes. Pooty goes. Even if Israel gives up all its nukes they still have you. Who Iran got?"
Ob
"Iran has Israel coming for them. Believe it or not, I'm the best friend you've got."
Ro
"I have Revolutionary Guard. You have Tea Party. I can't control Revolutionary Guard. Can you control Tea Party? And then you have Benji. Benji says Iran threatens Israel and all he does is threaten Iran."
Ob
"Well, your predecessor Afterdinnerjacket said something about wiping Israel out."
Ro
"He was Revolutionary Guard. I'm liberal. Do I hold you to what Bushy said?"
Ob
"This is all a tease, Hass, which is fine since I'm outside your neighborhood but pretty soon Benji is going to demand you put out or he'll put you out."
Ro
"What's your point, Bammy?"
Ob
"Even the American people realize that there is nothing I or anyone in our gang can do to control this. Things are crazy right now-"
Ro
"You don't have to tell me."
Ob
"I'm glad we're talking but there is nothing I can do if there isn't some action soon."
Don Arrup
Satire1
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