Among the tragedies of last weekend’s massacre in the Gunshine State is the existential limbo suffered by bigots unable to decide whether it was all the fault of Muslims or Gays.
“We try not to split hairs or blame,” explained Horace Manlover, president of Fair Haters, an advocacy group representing white supremacists, homophobes and Bible Thumpers. “When one hated group attacks another you’d think we’d view that as a win-win but hate isn’t always that simple.”
“We have a man who had no business being a Muslim doling out God’s Will as written in Epistle to the Romans on sodomites who were dancing too late at night and into the Lord’s Day.”
“Now, some say that anyone dancing that late at night should be shot but I don’t agree. The Second Amendment protects the rights of Christians to shoot gays and Muslims at anytime on any day. This is our precious freedom. And though dancing is often used to celebrate infidelity and infanticide it can happen spontaneously to young children exposed to popular culture.”
“We pray to God and his infinite mercy to pity us and tell us who we should hate more.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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