Hofstra U. Auditorium, 9:26pm September 26 in the last year of the world
Hillary
That is not true. That is not true. I never said I would offer Ms. Lewinsky an ambassadorship if I became president. I said I would consider Monica for a-
Trump
Is it true you said you do not want to be called Mrs. President?
Hillary
Sounds like the President’s wife.
Trump
And you do not want to be called Madame President?
Hillary
I am not running the White House as a brothel.
Trump
So Bill won’t be living with you?
Hillary
I have mentioned Ms. Monica Lewinsky as a possible candidate among many who I would consider for the new cabinet post I’m proposing, Secretary of Women and Minorities.
Trump
How many white men do you have on your list for that secretaryship?
Hillary
Last time I checked white men were not a minority.
Trump
Thirty one per cent is not a majority.
Hillary
They are the majority of the House, the Senate, the Supreme Court-
Trump
How can you tell? They’re all wearing moo moos. It’s the Transgender Court.
Hillary
And transracial. Justice Kennedy is a black man. Justice Thomas is not.
Trump
So, tell us about this department of bitches and whiners.
Hillary
I’m going to get Monica a job anywhere away from my husband if I have to promote her to Admiral of the furthest fleet. That, or keep her right under my heel.
Trump
Sounds like a plan. Okay, forget the lesbian man moderator. We didn’t come here to be moderate. Nobody wants moderation. Everybody wants more. We’re all pissed off. Rich and poor. Black, Red, Yellow, Brown and White. Forget the moderator. Down to it, Hellary.
Hillary
What? I’m the devil now?
Trump
No, I’m the Devil and you’re my minion, bought and paid for.
Hillary
I always keep you in my heart. Donald.
Trump
I’ll show you my tax returns if you show me your lost emails.
Hillary
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours?
Trump
We’re in the corner of the school yard in the teacher’s one blindspot.
Hillary
Where life takes place.
Trump
So we just continue to show what we’ve shown and consolidate our image into an even grosser cartoon?
Hillary
That won’t end in November.
Trump
I only have to make it through one term and I go into syndication.
Hillary
First thing I’m going to do is pardon myself and then maybe Bill.
Trump
I’m not building a wall.
Hillary
No shit.
Trump
I have a bigger project. This country is going to build a hotel on the Moon.
Hillary
And call it Trump Hotel?
Trump
No, Trump Moon. We’ve had that rock for over fifty years and haven’t done anything with it.
Hillary
Well, if building a hotel on the Moon was my highest priority I would certainly vote for you.
Trump
I want you to vote for me.
Hillary
Vote for you? How much?
Trump
I have a figure written on my hand.
Hillary
Your hand is too small. No, I spoke too soon. It’s a deal.
Trump
Thought that would impress you.
Hillary
If you get in give Lewinsky an ambassadorship.
Trump
Where do you want her?
Hillary
I don’t know. Mars. Middle Earth. Out of the way.
Trump
If you become president don’t steal my moon idea.
Hillary
Not much chance of that.
Trump
Because I’ll be running again as a Democrat or third party. Whatever.
Hillary
Well, may the best blonde win.
Don Arrup
Satire1
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