John McCain; Naval Academy; 5’10” 172 lbs.
OLB (Old Lying Bastard)
This durable maverick backer, the first real prospect out of Annapolis since Peanut Carter over three decades ago, really holds his ground and has the experience and instinct for defense but is weak on the economic side of the ball. Has no problem sticking his head into the storm and has recently showed uncharacteristic patience in letting the play come to him and then fully exploiting his opponent’s weakness. Having fulfilled his military and legislative obligations, McCain is already past a number of his playing years and will have to make an immediate impact in the world scene.
Pros
Defense, Immigration, Independence, Own party hates him
Cons
Economy, Immigration, Iraq, Press loves him
Hillary Clinton; Wellesley; 5’4” 126 lbs.
SS (Savage Shrew)
This tough campaigner never gives up on a play and is able to adapt quickly and disguise intentions. A punishing hitter who thinks fast on her feet is great in one on one match ups but draws flags for unsportswomanlike conduct. Married to former All American Bubba Bill.
Pros
Health care, Trade, Knows whole playbook inside out, Plays big in big states
Cons
Waffles when caught in middle, Husband, Not a team player, One third of the country hates her, First and only American ever to embellish a story about a trip overseas.
Barack Obama; Columbia; 6’1” 185 lbs.
TE (Total Elitist)
Relative unknown has made a sensation despite never having scored a bill. Graceful moves and deceptively nimble, he makes big plays in the open field but suffers under press coverage. Admired for the tough blue collar ethic the Ivy League is known for. A class act most of the time but can be haughty if he has to be.
Pros
Inspiring. Good looking. Eloquent in a tight spot, Open to new ideas. Half African American
Cons
Can’t bowl, Wife, Pastor, Has no new ideas, Half African American
Don Arrup
Satire1
