Months after McCain put lipstick on Hillary Clinton’s health care pig Obama smeared McCain and Palin’s Bush policies pig. Now sows across the nation feel pressure to put on makeup before leaving their pens to socialize with other barnyard animals.
“After centuries of being the butt of overweight humor and the more recent hysteria against fat our sows are now burdened with these totally unreasonable expectations of body image and glamor,” said Porky star boar of film and television who often serves as a spokes-swine for his species. “ As if they di-di-di-di-didn’t have enough on their minds with feeding the piglets and keeping the pen tidy,”
Farmers fear that the added stress will result in weight loss and less pork belly profits. “It’s a real concern when major politicians and the media are pressuring your animals to live up to their affluent standards of appearance,” said Old McDonald who has a farm E I E I O. “And a lot of the sows are beginning to refuse mounting because they feel unattractive and unappreciated. It has the boars all frustrated and confused. I can’t tell you how many fights we’ve had in the barn this last week.”
Futures in pork bellies have skyrocketed on the commodities market as rumors of a sex strike among swine circulated while the stocks of cosmetic companies rise in anticipation of a whole new species market.
All this after Governor Palin’s reference to her hockey whore pooch has dog barbers and groomers complaining that their customers were demanding they hire a make up artist to service their pets.
“Dogs are the only animals sophisticated enough to wear makeup,” said Roxy Star well known fashion passion downtown actress and dog friend. “I took my Pokey out the other day and a woman referred to her as a pig because I hadn’t put eyeliner on her. I could see making Pokey up if she were wearing her best sweater and maybe a cap. Then makeup would be appropriate but obscuring her natural beauty everyday just because some politicians are squabbling is stupid.”
“Its about time politicians confronted the cosmetic failings of our domestic animals. It’s a national disgrace how poorly turned out so many of our pets and farm animals are,” said Terre Cherry popular New Jersey DJ, “Everyone knows neither party has a clue about what can be done about the housing market or oil prices so why don’t they take care of our other crises like too many ugly dogs?”
“I can’t even get my wife to wear lipstick,” said Old McDonald, “but now I can see she was on to something. Didn’t want to raise the bar too high in the barn. I know neither of these candidate clowns are going to make us prosperous or safe but somebody has got to bring home the bacon.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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Social and Political musings of the Mad Playwright of 95th Street.
