Among the rumors of lipstick lesbian liberalism and community activism haunting the nomination of Elena Kagan, Solicitor General of the United States, to become an Associate Justice on the Supreme Court new allegations referring back to her adolescent dating conduct have emerged.
“We went out three times in the spring of 1977 and I couldn’t get as much as a hand job,” said Hiram Pullman. “This in 1977 and on the Upper West Side of Manhattan! It’s only now that I realize that she must have been part of the early Taliban.”
“I took her to a movie and sprung for a Sumo burger at Big Nicks and never saw second base,” said Peiro Hubby, “What’s the point of going out with a liberal if you ain’t going to get some?”
“She wanted to talk is what I remember,” said Hobart Ponk. “About topics like personal values and relationships and it was the Seventies. I think she was trying to convert me to Communism.”
“Hunter College Whorehouse is what we used to call the Prep she attended,” said Makem Fish. “I went out with her one time and knew she was going to Princeton. Nobody gets laid there.”
“Death to pantsuits, “ said Noel Nuthing. “A woman’s legs are as beautiful as her face and though not nearly as expressive legs never lie.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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