Migration

In an emergency session Congress passed breakthrough Immigration legislation declaring oil from the Gulf of Mexico approaching our southern coastline an illegal migration. The bill President Obama immediately signed calls for the harshest punitive measures in federal criminal law. Oil crossing into our sovereign waters will be ignited and burnt into smoke. Outside our territorial coastline oil will be sucked up and brought back to explode in our engines, mold into plastic and make jelly. The rest will be dissolved by super solvents providing equal poison to three continents.

The Coast Guard, the Census Bureau and Obama’s secret shock army are rushing to the Gulf States to meet the invasion. British Petroleum in cahoots with Halliburton has sunk a concrete box the size of Brooklyn on the breach.

“We expect the Gulf to keep this shit to itself until we chose to take it,” said BP spokesman X. “When is the Earth going to realize that it is our tit to suck on as we please?” In responding to the dome’s projected eighty-five percent efficiency Mr. X said, “Sure, at least fifteen percent will leak out but that is still a hell of a lot better than the wall the U.S. put up against it’s Mexican boarder and it’s patrolled.”

Advocates for Oil Migration staged protests across the country. “This oil is what is left of the original life on this planet and if you wake it up it will spread out under the Sun.”

“I can’t eat shrimp anyway,” said X. “And in a hundred years this will all be forgotten.”

Don Arrup
Satire1