Open Marriage

Fellow Republican Presidential hopefuls responded to the allegations of former House Speaker Newt Gingrich's ex wife that he had proposed an open marriage.

Rick Santorum

"I believe in closed marriages. I never got any except when my wife was ovulating and that includes Christmas and Valentine's Day so I know what it is like to struggle in this country. It is commonly agreed among theologians that sex is portrayed as original sin in the Bible and should be treated as a necessary evil to continue the human race and sell them cars and beer."

"My only open relationship is with God and the fat cats funding my campaign."

Ron Paul

"Excuse me but I don't think candidate's sex life or the sex life of any elected official is anyone's business but their own. If the governor or president isn't having his needs met in office or in his relationship he should be free to contract a blowjob or quickie with a professional so he or she can get on with their lives and job. The Republican Party is supposed to be about getting the government off the backs of the people and out of their pockets and here we are with both hands in Mr. Gingrich's pockets just sort of feeling around to see which of his nuts is bigger."

"Since CNN has decided that it is the Playboy news channel maybe we should just stop all this endless debating and pull up that table you reporters are sitting behind and have each of the candidates just pull it out and let the American people decide who is the bigger man."

Newt Gingrich

"You wouldn't want to do that in the general election, Congressman Paul. President Obama is from Hawaii."

Mitt Romney

"You're all missing the whole point. As the pre-ordained nominee predicted in the Book Of Mormon let me put the American people at ease. I and my six wives have always held ourselves to the strictest interpretation of monogamy. A monogamy not just of the body but of the spirit.

Don Arrup

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