Prescription Foolish

As the Supreme Court contemplates the constitutionality of the Health Care Reform Law President Obama is negotiating a deal with the Mexican Drug cartels to smuggle prescription drugs into the United States through both our northern and southern borders in order to reduce the price of health care for Medicaid and Medicare for the fifty states and federal government. Outside the Veteran's Administration the US is the only government in the solar system that doesn't have the authority to negotiate prices with the international pharmaceutical industry.

"There are no ideal choices here," Obama said. "With our neighbors enjoying far lower prices on life saving drugs I had to choose between murderous amoral thugs and the Mexican Drug Lords."

As an army of lobbyists surround the Capital ready to pounce, Former Senator and Republican Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum, who championed the protection of the private sector during the Medicare Prescription Drug giveaway under the Bush Administration, criticized President Obama last month on the campaign trail.

"The reason the German, Swiss and French governments forced reasonable drug prices on the companies is because they are socialist. Putting the needs of elderly and vulnerable citizens before the grotesque profits of foreign corporations is a recipe for disaster. Next we will be eliminating corporate welfare and demanding our companies act in a responsible and legal fashion."

"The reason Americans pay more is very complex," said Senator Luger. "We require prescriptions for many drugs sold without a golf cart elsewhere. First world countries traditionally subsidize drugs in third world countries like China, Indonesia, Brazil and the rest that are currently beating the pants off of us. We bleed small doses which wreck the economy of scale and keep the doctor's offices overbooked- which does nothing to stop us from overdosing on a horror movie scale. Our lack of Tort Reform means that the price is swollen by insurance costs and finally we have so many drugs for every complaint that the advertising if you haven't noticed is on par with cereal, fast food and doesn't your house smell like a barn."

"Of course we also have the drugs of unintended consequences." Lugar continued. "We can control acid reflux in an individual who eats like an hippopotamus who then will require cholesterol pills so his heart will hold up long enough for him to develop diabetes and all the other ailments that go with an obesity that no one survived fifty years ago. Let alone the I can't screw like a teenager anymore pills. And I'm wondering where the breast sag, eye bag and butt drift pills are. I know we have them."

"As long as eating what your whole family used to have for dinner upsets your belly, growing older, feeling anxious in a world that is falling apart and not being able to sleep like an infant are viewed as diseases drug prices will remain high and there will never be enough. So I'm backing the President's plan to have the Mexican drug gangs provide our entitlement programs with Mexican and Canadian drugs and I'm waiting for the pill to calm people who don't have a pill for what ails them. In my day whatever bothered you you took an aspirin or a bromide."

Don Arrup

Satire1