White Men's Party

The National White Men's Party wrapped up its convention in Tampax, Florida after nominating Utah Mitt and Saint Paul for CEO and CFO of the Incorporated States of America. Addressing entrepreneurs across the country about the dangers of health care and taxes, the NWM paraded their wives and mistresses across the stage to prove that the rumors that they were misogynists were greatly exaggerated. 

The theme of the convention was We Did It Ourselves featuring dozens of small business owners who swore that they never used United States currency or the highways and were completely independent of government control. 

"I own a gun shop in Wyoming and I will not hire any communist who has attended a public school where they only teach atheism, unionism and equality. I home school my children in the science of mythology and gun ownership. And I will sell a gun to anyone who has either the corn, oil or gold to buy one."

"I've been forced to hire over a thousand illegal immigrants on my Idaho farms each harvest because the Hawaiian Administration won't protect our borders. Otherwise, these people would continue to hang out along the town road urinating in the corn fields. I don't know who invites them here."

"The reason the economy almost collapsed was because of government regulation and interference. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are the Bonnie and Clyde of home lenders and the hundreds of billions made by the banks is small recompense for the anxiety and confusion they experienced."

"When are we going to get a conservative Supreme Court? Scalia and Thomas are just a couple of old hippies who couldn't keep Roberts from falling in with the coven appointed by the Socialists."

"Preventative care is un-American. If people would show a little self respect they wouldn't be tying up the emergency rooms but would wait just a little longer and go straight to the morgue."

"They wouldn't let Ron Paul address the convention because he refused to wear make up."

"I like the swirling blue matrix in the background. If you stare at it long enough you can almost see Ronald Reagan."

Next Week:

Full coverage of the Exploited Victims Infanticide Party in Harlot, NC!

Don Arrup

Satire1