New Poll

Voters polled in over fifty states by a wide margin claimed that they would vote for any candidate that would just shut up and pull their commercials.

Frustrated to enraged over spots interrupting their favorite escapist shows and sports programs, voters said that the endless campaigning and negativity of politicians is trying to pull their heads out of the sand.

"I watch reality shows because there is not even a residue of reality in them. I don't think they are even human beings. The commercial breaks are supposed to be touched up models and then this clown comes on the screen saying he is just like me and the problem is he's right."

"The starving children and tsunami victims only get their spots on late night TV when I'm just facing the screen. But this intrusion into prime time when I'm still conscious with the state of the nation and world is a violation. If I wanted to know what's going on or who's responsible I'd watch the news."

"The message is always the same. The world is on fire, the economy's collapsed, morals corrupted, liberty stolen, future gone and this is the greatest country in the world."

"Why why why do candidates put their faces on TV? Where did they get this from- Frank Perdue? Okay, the presidential candidates look like a game show host and a basketball coach but these mugs running for Congress look like the people at the bus stop who never take the bus."

"I hate them all. And the more I see them and the more I know about them the more I hate them."

"I'll happily vote for anyone I've never heard of."

This is the first major poll conducted by YBS/Herald/Record to survey in the seven secret states that usually decide national elections.

Don Arrup

Satire1