The nation's highest ranking uniformed officers were raped in the Pentagon parking lot yesterday by a mob of enlisted personnel whose petitions for justice in their own violation had been ignored or dismissed. Having no superior officer to file a complaint with the commanders of the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force and National Guard were reduced to whining to their respective secretaries of their service.
Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel blamed the Joint Chiefs for parading themselves about in provocatively tailored uniforms decorated in medals and ribbons and overly shined shoes.
"I don't know what they expected with their scrambled eggs visors, padded and starred shoulders, red striped pants and chests covered in fruit salad. There are some pretty lonely Privates in our armed services and some Seamen just back from long cruises. Bend over in front of them and they're sure to take a rise up in the ranks."
"I'm tired of these four star teases standing like erections expecting the world to freeze every time they grace us with their gaze. They allowed a culture that protects rapists and sexual terrorists and now wonder how long it will be before they can sit down comfortably. Well, they have been sitting down too long."
Don Arrup
Satire1
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