Rice Putin

President Obama in his primetime address to the nation last Tuesday used the phrase "American Exceptionalism" to explain why his speech clarified nothing about his plans to address the Syrian government's use of chemical weapons on their own population. The consensus among talking heads and louder asses was that he was using AE to denote the country's unique origin and circumstances rather than the neo-conservative notion of United States superiority. 

"American Exceptionalism" was originally coined by Joey Steel (Joseph Stalin) in a letter chastising American communists for excusing our country from the greater historical forces that plague the rest of the world. He sent the letter in 1928, one year before the Stock Market Crash and the Great Depression that followed proved he was right. 

Before the inspection/destruction joke was offered, Russia's president Vladimir Putin wrote an Op Ed piece in the New York Times taking issue with Obama's vague utterances. Putin, a former KGB agent, probably had the speech decoded into something intelligible enough to argue with. As Obama's speech and Putin's rebuttal stole the front pages through the weekend, Satire1 took to the streets and corridors of power to find out if anyone anywhere has any idea what they are talking about besides just bombing Syria into the Stone Age.

Senator Zee

"I think ole Joe is still running Russia. Don't they have his brain in some bowl all wired up to a gabbaphone?"

Tex Mexas

"Obama said he was going to bomb Syria because the evidence is clear that the children and old people we kill with our bombs don't suffer."

Kelly Cockroach

"This government and its citizens have been using chemical weapons against my species for over a hundred years and nobody says nothing."

Governor Heep

"Rootin Tootin Putin is just trying to confuse the American people with his clear argument and prose. It's a dirty communist trick."

Tori Pone

"You have Hezbollah on the government's side fighting Al Qaeda on the rebel's side. Doesn't that mean they're both our allies now?"

Senator John McCain

"I told the president we should have armed the rebels before we found out who they were. Now we look stupid."

Don Arrup

Satire1