McCain's the White Guy

On the campaign trail:
I’m sorry, McCain, I’m not voting for an ex-con for Big Man.
>I was a prisoner of war in Hanoi, North Vietnam.
What were you doing there?
>I was bombing their logistical lines.
And how was that making things better?
>I loved attacking the enemy.
Now you seem like a reasonable man.
>Yes, I’d say I am a reasonably reasonable man.
So, you do everything for a reason.
>Navy man.
So North Vietnam must have really messed with you.
>They weren’t always gracious hosts for the five years I stayed.
Well, you did bomb them first.
>Because they attacked South Vietnam.
And your cousins lived there.
>No, my honor lived there where my country had made a commitment. I was part of the flesh and blood of that commitment. It was an honor and I always strove to think about it and treat it as such.

On the street in Baltimore:
Yeah, I’m voting for McCain. Why shouldn’t we have a brother in the White Man’s House?
--No, no, McCain’s the white guy.
McCain’s done time and he got his college from being in the service.
--He wasn’t in the service he was in the Navy. He went to that Admirals’ College in Annapolis.
McCain’s got college and prison. He knows war and street.
--What’s his first name?
John.
--That’s the name of a guy who has to buy his ass.
It’s not all that white.
--Pimp’s meat.
What about John Henry—with the hammers?
--I’m telling you McCain’s the white guy. Even his hair is white.
What color’s his wife?
--Rich.
Who doesn’t like that color? Didn’t he grow up in Chicago?
--No, he was born in Coco Solo.
I thought he was from Africa.
--No, Coco Solo is in Panama.
He’s not from Chicago?
--That’s Obama.
No, Obama is Fred Flintstone’s kid.
--No, Bam Bam is Barney Rubble’s kid.
McCain is not a cartoon. I’m telling you he is a brother.
--I’m telling you he’s the white guy.
I know he’s got a white mama.
--They both do.
But I’ve seen pictures of him in the paper. He’s shade, man, just like you and me.
--Obama.
No, no, McCain, the brother.

Don Arrup
Satire1